More than Words.



i love the way you play the guitar and the way you sing. you said "eh i play you a song" and more than words was what you played and sang for me yesterday. all the while, i just looked at you and wondered how is it that you're so good-looking and charming. and i wondered how is it possible that a guy like you loves me. i don't ever think i deserve someone so good or who loves me the way you do. or simply, i dont think i deserve you. you're too perfect for me.

i came back home and looked through the lyrics of more than words. and some thoughts struck me. and i guess the lyrics kinda expressed how you felt recently.. and i guess i still am apologetic for everything. the guilt still lingers around.

and they say "you better treasure him. start now" , "you'll regret if you lose him, dont wait till its too late" , "he's so nice to you, can you stop being so damn bad to him" , "you're such an idiot" , "tsk kim, why you like that", "woah you're damn bad lah, stop making him sad can"

i cant imagine how it's like being with me. i bet its torturous. i've always been the bad guy. i dont wanna be the bad guy anymore. i dont wanna make you upset anymore. the countless times i've made you sad, i'm sorry for all that.

"you've gotta treat him better from now on. if not, there's no point. you might as well spare him the sorrows and let him go"

i'll bear that in mind.

nothing's ever gonna be the same as i've always said. they're either gonna be better or worse. i'm making sure that things are gonna be better this time round.

but for now, i feel like being MIA for a day and having me-time somewhere where i wont see any familiar faces over a cup of hot chocolate and marshmallows. it helps me sort out my thoughts and emotions and it clears my mind, especially when it takes me a long time to figure out how i'm really actually feeling. i need to sit down and think, and reflect.

i've made enough mistakes, no more.

The way you make my world go round



thanks for loving me, no matter how bad i have been to you these five months.
im sorry for making you feel as if i dont give a shit about you at all.
im sorry for all the shit i've put you through, really.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you

and thanks for every single thing you've done for me.
you've really done so so much for me, and i really really appreciate it.
thanks for the 'surprise' today and for always being so nice to me.
and really, thank you for loving me when i must be the meanest person to you ever.

when i realised how much you really love me, guilt seized me.

im really sorry.

Number One.


HAHAH I HAVE MY NAME TANNED ONTO MY ARM! :D

i took out the plasters and i started cutting them. and he said he wanted them also. so i passed him the scissors and the plasters, and he cut out a "K" and i was like huh(???) and then i realised that he was cutting out my name. when i realised that you wanted to have my name tanned onto your arm, i had no idea what to say. secretly, i was happy and my heart was smiling but i refused to show it. i dint even say anything about it. hahah you know im just so prideful dont you. but see, by typing this out, im not THAT prideful after all! hahah. i really appreciate every single thing you have done for me. like really really seriously. eg: piggybacking me down the many flights of stairs, and spending quite some time making the big words on the beach hahah and really, just for everything (: (: hahah i cant believe we took like 300+ pictures today which is really madness. hahah. i really did enjoy myself today. doing all the retarded stuff that we do, like wearing the same coloured tops, shorts and havaianas(which is actually very cute :D hahah), like singing nursery rhymes and discussing about how they're all actually evil in nature HAHAH, like competing to see who can get back to the seats faster without spilling the soup onto the trays that we were carrying, and walking up and down the escalator and stairs trying to run away from each other. hahah theres so much things actually, and i guess i cant possibly type everything out.

but i wanna say this to the sweetest one ever.
youre the best and you make me feel as if im the luckiest girl alive, really (: (: (:

Music of my heart

When you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
Everything's alright
When you're right here by my side


thanks for the surprise today <3! :D

"i really cant wait for tmr to come! :) its gonna be so so much fun!"
HAHAH sounds like some lil kid right. hahah yayyy i cant wait for tomorrow either! (:

alright, i should go and sleep now! goodnight! (:

We Intertwined

"i love you more than anyone else"
"really?"
"yeah"
"even more than ..?"
"way beyond"
"really. how much?"
"like really alot"

:D

> special one ♥

You make me wanna call you
in the middle of the night ,
You make me wanna hold you
Till the morning light,
You make me wanna love ,
You make me wanna fall,
You make me wanna surrender my soul ,
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight ,
You're the first and last thing on my mind ,
You make me wanna love ,
You make me wanna fall ,
You make me wanna surrender my soul

-

i suddenly recalled this song. the one who sang this song for music exam back then had me surprised two days in a row(yesterday and today) W too, kind of surprised me twice in three days. hah.

they would have been real pleasant surprises then, but not now. its all in the past already.

(:

-

truefriend just asked me to go biking with him. i want to, but ive got no bike and he called me a loser ): then he wanted to take bus with me to school tomorrow morning. BUT he realised that he has to wake up very early and he doesnt want to anymore. and he wants me to make my own way to school before seven to talk to him when he's taking his friend's car to school. BASTARD. how true is my truefriend you tell me. hahah.

anyway, the soccer boys won today. yay im super happy for dricee! :D and warrick!

and i cant wait for friday! (: can go and bully shu HAHAH. and sunday night's sudden decision for an adventure turned out to be rather rewarding. hahah. it was nice spending time with my godbro bestfriend and pandhi (:

and how bout yesterday some retard bluffed me that he broke a bone and wanted me over to take a look. hahah what the hell. when i asked him "so wheres your broken bone?" he said "i dont know. somewhere in my body" HAHAHAH idiot. cheat me huhhhhhhh. hahah. andddd i lost my wallet on the bus! i dint even realise till like quite long later! but luckily i found it at the interchange. yay very lucky :D i must thank royston, he kinda saved my life. hahah. and ohyeah i studied with my brothers last night, titi and royston. how bout i spent the whole night doing up my june hols timetable which is actually rather blank.. HAHAH. pig god(denise) was missing from the study outing as she is mean. HAHAH okay kidding (: thank you titi for the redbull which is sitting on my table now hahah. (:

today was a good day (: goodnight (:

alliances and tt, i hope yall are fine. i have quite alot to say to yall but i guess i'll find some other way to say them to you guys. it was heartbreaking to see yall cry, and all i could do was to helplessly hold you guys and cry too.. i know i wasnt of much help but i really hope yall are feeling better already. yall are the better team and yall know it right. although we dint win in the end, but im really really honestly very proud of yall. and im sure everyone is. you guys were great. love yall very very much, really.

-

today just reminded me so much of my whole netball career. the last match of my bdiv competition against damai just kept replaying in my mind after i left the sports hall and it was just like what happened today. we were leading all the way and we just lost it in the last quarter. and i couldnt stop thinking bout it. and i really really felt like.. i dont know.. like shit.. like why did i freaking give up at that crucial moment, at the moment when they started catching up. all we needed to do was to hold on to the 4-point lead but i gave it up in my heart when the score became a tie. how could i, why did i, you might be asking. beats me, im some weak shit i swear. i cried for the whole damn day that fateful day. and all i could do was to isolate myself, with regrets and guilt consuming me. and having the game replay in my head a thousand times and rebuking myself for giving up, for being unable to deliver what i was supposed to. for failing to live up to the expectations of me. for being affected by the freaking umpire. i dint even deserve the faith and trust yall had in me.. and till now, it still haunts me..

and then all the what if's ran through my mind. what if i had listened to yeeleen and gone to __ instead of ac. what if i dint quit netball in ac. what if i had played my best and not give up for that last bdiv match. what if i had trained harder and be serious back in fairfield. what if i dint give up on myself last january. what if what if what if..

i just felt quite sad and shitty when i thought about all these.


"because you gave up on yourself"

"you're really wasted you know"

i have heard those lines so many times from so many people. and they dont hurt me actually. because i know i really did give up on myself. i let myself break under pressure when it was not even exactly placed on me. blame it on my weak mentality. or blame it on the fact that im a fairfield netballer and because we were so slack and had never gone through any sort of pressure or tough training, i just cant take any tough shit at all. i know i've been disappointing and im disappointed in myself too, because of my failure to rise up to the occasion and the failure to adapt and face up to challenges. i was killed by the stress and pressure in january. and my passion just disappeared as if it had never existed, just within two months of training. how loser am i seriously. i even thought of giving up netball.. that is the worst thought ever i know. when offered a confirmed space in that club that ive always wanted to play in since young, i actually replied "see how". i just thought that maybe i shouldnt even continue playing anymore. i dont even know if i can ever get back that confidence i used to have or play like how i used to. perhaps i'll never ever dare to play again cause i feel that im so not up to standard and i wont be able to live up to any expectations at all. im quite horrified by how i can just let it go like that. something that i love for 8 to 9 years. not very long, not exactly short, but almost half my life. but well, i guess i really snapped and i really lost it. i never thought i was that weak and i never thought i'd ever give up on myself, especially not in netball. but i proved myself wrong. maybe i'll never get that passion and confidence back again. maybe i'll just never play again. maybe. all the encouragements, affirmation, opportunities, and the attempts to revive my passion and instill back that confidence really were heartwarming. thanks everyone but i guess things would never be the same again. i do miss the sport, of course i do. but missing and playing is a different thing i guess. everytime i see a WA play, i wish i was the one on court playing instead. but i bet i really suck now. i dont know why im so weak mentally but i just really.. i dont know. i know i've really disappointed alot of people but.. ohwell.. i guess its all over.. people tell me where i could have been, and what i could have been. and i know for myself too. but i gave it all up cause of my freaking loser mentality and my inability to survive under stress.

im such a letdown really.

sometimes i wish i can find that confidence in myself back. if not, i'll never ever be able to play again. much less play well.. hur. im so hopeless... i should just not play anymore.

ohwell i should just go and sleep now and stop thinking already.

goodnight.

But the planets all aligned,
When you looked into my eyes

(: (: (:



i just saw this in my photo album. HAHAH. mandeep the sheep (: he drew the turban-ed sheep himself anyway. hahah. my sheep cuter right.

NETBALL FINALS TOMORROW :D
GO AC! eat up the grasshopper!
go ugly and fatty and tt and nat! (:

SOCCER SEMIS TOMORROW.
go dricee go truefriend! (:

AC's gonna own [:

-


HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLETTE SUM! (:

anyway, waterboy's one retard and bastard boy. HAHAH.

anddd i think im very very very extremely blessed (: (: (: (: (:

okay, goodnightttt peepos(:

:D :D :D

hello pretty fadtee, i love you (:

NICOLE'S EIGHTEENTH :D

SPRING FLING.



SERES OGLS plus.. i dont know whos that guy hahah.










HAHAHA MARC SEAH :D














GORGEOUS GIRLS (:






my second girlfriend (:












gabby is pregnant ! hahah




err i forgot to zoom out HAHAH.


GG FOREVER!














PARENTAL GUIDANCE NEEDED. hahahah








HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE (:





















































i think tomorrow im going to run my 2.4. omg. i havent ran since 9th jan. -_-" how like that zzz. hahah. anyway im so glad im still alive. shawn lai drives really safely... hahahah. anyway, i hope all the hockers are fineee (: smelly one heard me cheering for him. my voice must be quite loud hahah.

anyway tomorrow's a really big game for the netballers. go alliances and tt and nat and the whole AC team. (: please go down and support them if you can okay! 320 hougang sports hall (: i know its vehhhhhhhhhhreeeeeeee farrrrrrrrrr but its worth it! hahah.

alright. im quite tired. i think i'll hit the bed soon. goodnight (: