WAY BACK INTO LOVE

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

so last last sunday(25th feb) i stayed home the whole day. had steamboat for dinner again (: yumms. then was watching tv in the room when uncle and his fiancee bugged me to play cards with them. so i started with nothing and i won 16.40! hahah and know what! uncle refused to give me my 13 bucks. so cheater lah! wahlao how old already please! hahah

MONDAY- 26th
i didnt go to school. pretty much, the usual kim. hahah. so i went bugis with jaclyn ng! shopppppp (: 5 tops and 6 pairs of earrings. i think i have like 70 pairs of earrings already. like someone said, "you got enough earholes to wear your earrings not?" hah. it was a nice time of course. i love jaclyn ng heaploads (: saw neo in the train! then it was like so stupid! we were communicating via sign languages cause i was outside and he was inside. its really easy to spot fairsians, cause our shirts are yellow! hahah. went to see a doctor after that. 2 weeks exemption from pe (: and then uncle made me dinner (: hahah

TUESDAY
okay okay i must comment on this first. i love my grandmother (: hahah know every morning, i eat fresh ham and cheese bread (: yummayeeee to the max. and my bro eats kaya bread. HAHAH. and then my granny just gave me mango pudding with kiwi and peach. my brother was kicking a big fuss over tha fact that he doesn have one. and then my granny said "its spicy" and shhhhhed me. HAHAHAH. shes so cute right. i love her and she loves me! we are one big family! ((:

okay back to tuesday. i forgot what happened lah. i think i was talking to jean and elgin they all at the table. then cause i was quite pissed off with my home tutor. but actually shes damn nice but i dont like her luh. so we were talking. and then

jean: "who ask you so naughty."
me: "i where got naughty! i just never hand in 3 chem tutorials. 2 bio essays. chinese zuowen. 3math assignments only okay"
elgin: isnt that like everything?
me: uhh. i think so.

okay so maybe im a little naughty... a little. then i kept talking alot of crap. then jean laughed till she cried. elgin laughed till he look like he was having fits and he laughs damn loudly! HAHAHHA. then i was laughing at them. i told them that if i wont marry a guy with the sirname lee or i'll be tempted to name my daughter lily lee li li. HAHAHHA. li to the power of 5! li^5! cool right! okay lameeee. hahha

had detention. and it sucks. missed the netball talk. went to island creamery with amanda after that (:

WEDNESDAY- 28th
school as normal. i love wednesdays (: , we will pon everything and just sit in the void deck (: hahah. i was still sick. and i really didn feel like training. so i decided not to. i went to put water on my face and shuhui thought that i cried. hahah. skipped training again, but i sat in. talked to miss aisha after that. and i realised that i cant quit. what the pong. ohwell. anyway, miss aisha is really nice luh. hmm. i forgot what happened after that.

thank you everyone who asked about me and all (: you guys are all so nice! especially the netballers. thanks (:

THURSDAY- founder's day
went to school in ac uniform. sat with emma and zhuan yi at the front of the LT. and guess what, emma and i fell sideways lah! onto the chair when everyone was singing! ohmygoodness. super embarrassing lah! then everyone behind us were laughing! hahahhaaahah. but it was really funny.

the service was really boring. went out with petey and cheryl after that. it was drizzling so on the way to the mrt station, i was trying to cover my head. then this nice girl asked me if i needed an umbrella. and she shared her umbrella with me! so nice right! thank you PEARLY! if thats your name? thank you thank you! (:

so new york new york was really awesome. great food, great company. we had mad fun laughing and doing stupid stuff. tahah. it was really fun i must say (: i love them both super alot (:

cheryl went off after that. so petey and i went to my mum's shop to play pool. hes super good lah! hah then after that we went to adam road hawker centre for some food. then we both went home.

FRIDAY
school blah. i dont know what happened. i only remembered that i asked the chinese teacher to let me go for break. HAHAH. then she said that i could go after i finish my work. so i hurriedly scribbled and went to eat. HAHAH. and training was like pangsai i tell you. i was like so super unfit after missing one week of training. then i was darn sad. cause after a week of sitting out. it seems like i wont get a chance to play anymore. ohwell. heck it. thank you hui shian for the ride home yeah. i was feeling damn unwell after training i dont know why ):

SATURDAY
woke up. went to acjc for tackle games. got to know a few new people and all. we got second for captains ball. and ian they all got third for soccer! theyre damn good eh! they played in the under25 category and they were the youngest lah! hahah and theyre so good! if they had played in the under16 categoy, they would have been champs man. hah

went home after that. cabbed to jeremy's place. caught man utd's match. yay (: man utd won! hahahah nehnehneh kengheng (: tahah. 4 slices of pizza and coke and bridge. pretty good fun. bussed home with ian and alex after that.

SUNDAY
woke up really early. met alex at my house's bus stop. bussed to his church there. waited for cedric. met norman first. alex turned my minute maid lemonade into limoccino. what the pong lah! hah and during service, norman and alex were damn noisy! hah we got trophies as the prizes. i wanted vouchers! hahah well nevermind.

lunch after that was pretty good. yongzhi gave mel and i a lift to holland v. got subway then we went to hwachong. watched the polo people train. at first it was like so interesting. then after a while i got really bored. and it was really hot. went to island creamery after that. then went down to daddy's place.

MONDAY-5th
hmm went to school as usual. skipped all the lessons that i could. as usual. hahah i remembered something! i went to the toilet then i met at jacq they all. so there were this bunch of fairfield kids at the fence there. we could see them and they could see us. so we started shouting to each other. it was damn funny. we kept saying what, we complain to mr ow ah! hahah then they kept shouting "who are you!" HAHAH. super funny lah! oh and during pccg, we were talking about commitment. and as usual, miss low asked me to answer her question. then once she called me, WEITING AND LENG SENG WENT "HI FIVE!" WHAT THE PONG RIGHT! hahah they knew miss low will call me. idiots! tahah and training was THE BEST man! coach didnt come. i was like THIS IS THE BEST TRAINING EVER MAN! hahah. so we finished pretty late still. hmm went to island creamery with wanqi and amanda and ethel after that. OH! and i ate like 4 MANTOUS! HAHAH

TUESDAY
there was no school! i went out with emma and zhuan! (: we went to play pool. then we went to eat ice cream at andersens! i was so sad! i broke my MICRO memory card! ))): gone, everything gone ))): its so small and i broke it. like what the pi pi pan pan ping pong pia. went to walk around with emma after that, cause zhuan had to go off. then yeah, bought some stuff. then peter came. so then peter and i took train to harbourfront. and waited for a cab for super long before meeting cheryl at the village centre.

i had the best sashimi i have ever tasted. im SERIOUS. it was so good. and the sashimi are wild and fresh, directly imported from japan. and the prices were pretty reasonable (:

we spent the whole night trying to convince cheryl to stay in ac. we cabbed to island creamery to meet flower and nick. then yeah. apple pie ice cream (: after that, took 157 home.

WEDNESDAY
last day with 1sc6. hah. did the usual stuff. like skipping almost every lesson. HAHAH. i love wednesdays (: so training after that was pretty alright. i forgot what i did. hahah. i only remember that i ate like 3 mantous. HAHAH. i love mantou!

THURSDAY
ORIENTATION! (: hahah hippogriff had five new members. plus brandy and andrew came back. it didn really feel the same without hannah and cheryl.. icebreakers and all. some people had to do forfeit. yeah. brandy did the "honey if you love me will you please please smile" thing to me. hes so cute! but i didnt smile! i dont love you brandy! HAHAH. so games and all. mass rally and stuff. it was pretty good fun. went to island creamery with zhuan emma and serene after that. lotsa gossiping. HAHAH. yupp.

oh and daniel is really funny lah. HAHAH. he did the bimbo cheer!

FRIDAY
ORIENTATION DAY 2. alot of people didnt come. and i was so pissed off with peter okay! cause both of us are the ogas. then he told me on tues "eh, thurs and fri must come school ah. dont pangseh me" then you know what. that ASSHOLE didnt come on lah! what the shit. our og had like 8 people or something. so we combined group with the DAMN KRAKEN.

okay, enough said. damnit man. and there was this girl. she was so rough during the tough rug rotten fruit pulp game. she nearly broke my nose. whatthepong.

hmm. so og time after that. peter that ass came. so all of us went to holland's nydc. i ate so much lah. lasagne plus elephanccino plus spudnik. i dont like the spudnik. aileen can make much better ones! hah. so anyway. it was a pretty fun time. i did the honey if you love me that thing to daniel and he smiled so nicely! then i did it to peter and he smiled too! but peter cant smile! he has a stone face! HAHAH. he cannot take photographs also. damn stone lah his face. HAHAH

so at around 4.20. we cabbed back to school. i had training. sad life right. after running 1.6. i nearly puked man. i was doing the drills halfway then i was like really going to puke already. yucks. hmm. soooo training ended at 8 plus. went to campfire after that. we missed like so much lah. wanqi amanda and i had a tough time trying to find our ogs! i found daniel in the end! hahah then we danced together. caterpillar and all. tahah it was fun. with all the cheering and stuff (:

went for supper at starbucks with wanqi, chye aik and two of their og friends. i shant talk much about it -_-" cabbed home with wanqi after that.

SATURDAY
went out in the evening with kennedy. went to watch history boys. it sucks so much -_-" then we went to have cakes at secret recipe. played pool after that. then i took 111 to his house there. we were like chatting and we saw millions of millipedes EVERYWHERE. i was so super freaked out lah. YUCKS. then i went home at around 2 am. he had to go home, so he accompanied me on the phone. hahah thanks (:

SUNDAY
was supposed to go for some cip walk with zhuan and emma and i couldnt wake up. SORRY GIRLS! hahha. so i went to meet the, at billy bombers after that. coffee shake and cheese fries (: then we shopped around. at around 4 we all had to leave. so yeah. i couldnt come back home cause i had no keys. so i went to meet esmonde at holland. we had starbucks. then we ate dinner at crystal jade. we were damn funny. we were trying to figure out what we can eat with what we have. hah. some catching up done (: conferenced at night with lin and jac (:

MONDAY-11th
went to school early in the morning. netball camp. so started with some games. they were pretty fun. hahah we played some game that you must rely on your friends. they will scream and you must follow them. i couldnt hear my team mates at all lah! im the one blindfolded. so suay lah pangsai. hahah. then i couldnt hear them so i just walked straight on my own. and then i got the banana! hahah. then when i took off my blindfold. everyone was like laughing. cause the other two groups were damn funny. ethel knocked into jiazhi! HAHAH.

we played many more games. then after that we went to watch the video of last year's finals. then i fell asleep. oops. then after that. i hurried back to the room and slept for 30minutes. training after that. it was especially draining i dont know why. i was really tired. coach talked to us after that. really serious. hmm.

so then we had pizza for dinner. but i wasnt full. most of us werent. so we ordered macs. then after that we showered. and we played scavenger hunt! i guessed the first clue! yay! hahah then after that there was this clue that was damn hard. and i guessed it correctly! LIKE TRIPLE YAYS! then everyone kept saying that im damn smart! hahah yay! (: so then we completed the game. it was really fun (: hahah

so then we all went back to the room. played bridge and all. then yini and i were hungry so we went to the void deck and took the fries and pizzas left. and we started EATING. HAHAHHA. then after we finished, we went to join reena they all. that circle. then we played "i've never" hahah. then we talked alot and stuff. then i fell asleep. hahah.

so next morning. woke up and washed up. then we played some telematch. it was dman fun! amanda wheelbarrowed me. darn tiring lah my arms. HAHAH it was damn funny. then i was supposed to throw peanuts into amanda's mouth but i kept missing! HAHAH. then after that i had to eat a whole packet of lays! i couldnt swallow! then i just kept stuffing them into my mouth. darn funny. tahah in the end we got 3rd! HAHAH we got amanda and we got 3rd eh! means we are really GOOD! HAHAHAHAHA. stupid amanda fake princess!

so then we had some goal setting thing and improvements thing. then we had some positive comments thing also. i had

positive (which i think isnt true)
good listener
penetrates down the court (??)
good endurance (which isnt true too)
bubbly
intelligent

there were "funny, random, runs damn fast and damn smart" also.

HAHAH. thank you guys (:

so after that, we packed up. arranged all the tables and chairs back. we slept in an aircon room by the way. hahah. so then we all went to suntec for fish&co. something happened. hmm well. then yeah. it went past in 5minutes (: so then i started being retarded with amanda again. hahah. we ate alot. and we snapped alot of stupid photos! hahha

i had to rush off after that. rushed home cabbed down to fairfield. chapelthon (: dricee was being so irritating by continually bugging me for cococrunch! hahah. that tarddd. supper after that was pretty fine.

WEDNESDAY
woke up at around one. had fried fish and taiwan sausage (: then went to school for training. we trained in the hall. i was like dying. i really was dehydrating. i perspired until my lips went pale. i dont know why. hmm so had a match with ij bdiv. i went offside like twice. it was damn bad ): i think i just suck ):

hmm after that. did some birthday dance for cheryl! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL! then we had some team talk. it was damn serious. ohwell. hmm then rushed off after that. i waited for 30minutes for a freaking cab. and there wasnt. i ended up walking all the way to fairfields bus stop and then taking a bus down to lin's bus stop. met lin and jac. i was so angry that i went crazy. HAHAH.

so cabbed down to bukit timah. no more island creamery. close already man. what the pong. so zi cha at some shop. pretty good (: then had dessert after that! maple butter waffle! (: nicee. hahah. so then jaclyn led us somewhere that didnt have a bus... then we walked all the way back to kap. met mindy on the way. it was super funny. HAHAHAHA. i shall not say why.

OH YAH! we met peilin also! shes so pretty! hahah and i met senior limin! hahah. so coincidental. the world is so small. to kap to use the toilets. HAHAH. then we went to the bus stop. and we started camwhoring. and then guess what. jaclyn caught her last bus and both lin and i missed it. WHAT THE HELL RIGHT. then we sat there till like 1 am. then i cabbed to jaclyn's house. i only had 8 bucks. then jac had to wake up mum up to lend me money. i felt damn bad. but in the end the cab fare was like 7.90. around there. i hurriedly got off the cab. HAHAH. and walked. its just the next block only so its okay. HAHAH.

so we chatted and all. then we had to sleep. cause jaclyn had to work. yupp. so woke up at around 11. then i came home. hahha yeah.

THURSDAY
was supposed to go out with kengheng they all. then when i was about to leave house. they told me it was cancelled! i was like akngjnbjrnhlt. okay. so i still left house anyhow. went to meet lissa evan yunxing and val at far east. walked around a bit. we spent alot of time in livia. trying on stuff and all. it was a pretty good time (: especially the chat with lissa and evan as we were about to part. i love those girls (:

so left them. went to meet kengheng at plaza sing. we were looking at people playing the candy machine again! there was this woman. she gave her daughter one whole packet of one dollar coins. like 50bucks in total. so the daughter was just playing. and the mum sat there, ate popcorn and watched her. then the mum went to change money again! another packet. ohgosh man. hahah.

esmonde came. we walked around and all. went to starbucks. caught up quite a bit and all (: watched letters from iwo jima after that. so scary lah. i never want another war to happen man. so after that. kengheng and i cabbed to his place. then i took 51 from there.

pan pan is very nice (:

FRIDAY
went out early in the morning with zhuan and emma (: zhuan was late! hahah so we walked around and all. brought them to chippy. then we went to pacific blah. bought the slippers that i wanted. then i bought a roxy belt. thats like number 13... okay. i better stop. tahah. so yeah. at around 2. i was really quiet. sorry girls ): hmm everytime before training i'll be like some depressed shit.

ohwell. left the girls at 3 plus. bussed to school. hmm. ohwell. thank you pan pan for being there (: youre super niceeeee! so yeah. i felt so much better during training. like i was so much happier and much more enthu than usual. got scolded thrice. ohwell. i cant freaking see the damn ball lah. its so freaking dark. and then the lights were like blinding. ohwell. freak. im hoping that i dont get into the team then i can quit. okay, whatever. its just an excuse lah. im just plain lousy.

training ended at like 9plus. manda dragged me to check the classes thing. im in SD2! thats super weird... im in arts eh. and they put me in a science class. thats weirddd. like TOTALLY. hmm anyway. i have classmates! pak and yunting! yay im happy! (:

so manda and i left. we were like trying to get a cab and for a good fifteen minutes or so, there were no cabs. we were like screaming and shouting and laughing and jumping around. HAHAH. we even did a cab dance. and guess what, kennedy's whole family saw... ohman. i cant believe it. thats so damn freaking malu!

hahah. so we finally got a cab at the OPPOSITE side. went to the place i went to on wed. ate at some malay place. i wanted to eat the waffle lah. in the end we ate stingray and sotong and satay. HAHAH. went home at around 1.

SATURDAY
woke up at one plus. that dumb jem had some bb thing. so lin and i went out. then aileen couldnt meet up cause she had sth on. hahah. so lin and i were out the whole afternoon till night. we camwhored like pangsais. HAHAH. shit man. im not a camwhore! anyway many funny things happened! hahha.

i bought a new pair of heels. tahah. met kengheng aaron jiayi and joshua for movie! saw peter and his girlfried! hahah. we watched MUSIC AND LYRICS! SUPER NICE! GO GO GO WATCH IT! hahah.

after the movie. we went to paradigm. but there were no tables so we went to meridien. met a whole bunch of ruggers there.. hahah. roy was there too. then we played pool. yay. tahah. then after that lin and i took 14. then i took nr5 home. i know christina loves me (:

i had fun! (:


island creamery thrice. nydc. crystal jade. billybombers. canadian pizza. macs. starbucks thrice. super good sashimi. fish&co.

i feel broke. no, i am broke. and i feel fat ): okay, im fat.


> i hate you for being such an immature asshole, loser and coward.


; now the story's played out like this, just like a paperback novel

you've been gone for so long
why do you have to come back now
i have almost forgotten about your existence
till you came back today
and showed me your love once more
whats the point
i can say that i hate you
with all that i have
why not just get lost
and get gone

GOOD AFTERNOON (:

back from camp. it was fun (: got to know the team much more i guess. and yupp, learnt some stuff also. had to set goals and tell each other where they can improve and stuff and i got this among the 17 comments "STOP SLACKING DURING TRAINING" what the pong. okayyyy. hmm well. after camp ended, all of us went to fish&co at suntec. amanda and i were super high, as usual. hah we are like crazy people lah. and i ate so much i could burst! hah.

so rushed home and cabbed down to chapelthon. was 30minutes late ): hah. chapelthon was great, like really (: supper after that was pretty good. yupp.

gonna have training later. and im gonna meet up with my favourites (: say three cheers (: (: (:

it came as a shock or surprise? i dont know.

its all down to your mind.

im home.

orientation had been great fun. daniel was a blessing. hah its really great knowing him. to see brandy and andrew again was really awesome (: campfire was hmm pretty sucky, cause i missed like everything due to training. ohwell. didnt miss the cheering part and the mass dance, thank God (:

saturday. went out in the evening to celebrate kennedy's birthday. we caught history boys, and it was a DISASTER. dont watch it please. we were like stones and we practically didnt get the whole show... secret recipe after that (: then pool at paradigm (: late night chat at ghim moh and dodging millions of worms. i hate worms.

got home at 3 am. couldnt wake up for the cip thing today morning. sorry zhuan and emma. oops. hahah. woke up at ten. rushed down to cityhall to meet them for lunch. billybombers. and then shopping (: that green adidas shirt that i always wanted is mine now (: yayyyys. candy empire after that. kitkat cookie dough, as usual (: then bussed home with zhuan. short but fun time with the girls (:

holland starbucks with esmonde. then crystal jade. walked around, went to fos blah. then came home. overslept on the bus. im really tired. i need to rest. i dont know why im always so tired. im spoilt i think. hah.

i know i havent really been blogging and i kinda forgot like everything already. but i'll really blog in detail after i get back from camp. hopefully. hah. and this holiday is not even like a holiday.. ):

ohwell. till then, takecare everyone (:

> do i?

; where you stop and i'll begin

im so angry. actually not lah. but now that i think about what happened today, my blood is like boiling. what the shit alright. i dont care if i sound mean or whatever.

today, we had to combine group with some other og. and guess what, they had these three RV people. and they were so freaking proud alright. they were like trying to show off how good they were. commenting on every shit. telling us what to do. saying that if its them, they would have done better and stuff.

i was super irritated.

but i had to keep my cool and then, i snapped. cause this freaking asshole said "you know ever since we joined og, we have been losing"

i was like "then leave lah!"

then he said "okay, we separate"

then i was like "GO GO GO."

WHAT THE SHIT OKAY. BEFORE WE COMBINED, HIPPOGRIFF DINT EVEN LOSE A SINGLE GAME ALRIGHT. its not like we want to combine with you guys okay. go lah! you think we need you isit.

show our og those high and mighty faces for what? if you guys are so good, go to hwachong, go to rj or nj or whatever, why come to AC? go to some other places and show off there lah. just because this is AC, doesn mean that we are not as good as the other jcs alright. it doesn mean that you guys are above us. so what if RV is one of the better schools around. those who come from neighbourhood schools can beat you guys flat also alright. geniuses huh? smart people huh? go get yourself scholarships and go away man.

whattheshit. i seriously am so damn pissed off.

this post is not meant to offend all the RV people. i do know of nice RV people like yuxuan, jiayi and jasmine and junjie and winnie of course.

so to those three bastards, freaking screw off.

I can't explain this feeling
I think about it everyday
And even though we've moved on
It gets so hard to walk away

I can't forget how we used to be
Our life from day to day
Hoping maybe you'll come back
And though I tell myself not to be afraid
To move on but it seems I can't
But no other man has given me attention
It ain't the same as your affection

I Remember when you came with me that night
We said forever, that you would never let me go
But here I am again
With nothing left inside
No I don't wanna but I gotta let you go

You're the one mistakeI really didn't mind
So beautiful, unmercifully
Took me down

its been exactly a year since i got to really know you. and what have i to say? alot.

we spent most of this year actually not talking. its sad isnt it. the first four months were really great and yeah i thank you for every single moment of it. actually i planned to start talking to you again on this day but i guess, i better not. just wanna say those four months had been really great. there were ups and downs of course. really bad turns and stuff but well, we never quarrelled before. it isnt good in a sense but yet, good in another.

i just wanna thank you for being so nice and caring and loving and sweet to me, tho i was such an ass. thinking back now, i know that i had been really bad and i really dont deserve your love. thanks for being there when i needed someone so much yah. thanks for being a pillar of strength, thanks for cheering me up always, thanks for never forsaking me, thanks for showering me with concern and love, thanks for standing by me, thanks for never giving up on me yeah. thanks for every single thing. every little thing. thinking of it now, i cant believe i actually said that you dont freaking care about me at all. when you actually knew more about me than i expected you to. i cant believe how bad i was. to push you away, to say stuff that were so bad, to make you upset so often and all, to totally not care about how you feel and would feel. i have only myself to blame for the outcome of this whole thing.

there are so many regrets. like why did i do this and that. why did i think this way and that. why did i throw someone that loved me so much away. why did i not cherish someone so sweet and nice to me. why did i and why did i and why did i? it goes on and on, neverending. and then

"you have lost him. thats it. you could have done this and that this and that. but you did not. you threw him away and thats it. its over. way over. so stop thinking about it"

well. i really am undeserving of your love i guess. remember i told you that i wasnt worth your time and love? that you deserve someone much better? remember what was your reply? i'll never forget what you said. never.

"anyway. if u think ure not worth it, its not true. cos u really mean a lot to me. and i dont deserve anything better. cos ure already the best. if u dont dare to really love me its ok. i'll understand."

thank you. really. so so so super much.

its gonna be 10th april one day and then 1st june and then 10th august. im not gonna type this kinda emo post anymore. i just want to tell you that i'll never forget you. cause youre really the best that i ever had. and sorry for not treasuring you. sorry for throwing you away, for hurting you, for making you upset, for making you sad and down and confused and helpless, for not understanding you and for pushing you away.. i cant believe that you were so nice and tolerant and sweet regardless of my unreasonable personality. its indeed my loss, that i let go of you. you were everything that i ever wanted.

but yeah. i know youre happy with her. and truly, shes a much better girlfriend than i am and shes so much better also. she definitely deserves you more than i do. yah. all the best to you both (:

so today i want to thank you, whoever you are. for making my life, at least this short period of my life, wonderful. thanks for everything you have done for me. thank you for everything, really really. i have never had the chance to really thank you. and i guess i cant ever thank you enough. thank you for everything that you have done for me yah, for your love, for the times we spent, all the movies and outings and messaging and phone calls and yeah. every single thing. thank you for making those four months of my life unforgettable. thank you for the beautiful memories you left me. thank you for being in my life. i have learnt quite a lot from this whole thing and yupp, thank you. i really thank God for you (:

you were the sweetest, the nicest. simply, the best i ever had.

really, thank you.

know what. i wanted to type something. but i shant anymore.

im just not happy right now. i think youre a downright sucker. you just suck man. you so suck please, like totally totally.

Leave me alone
Get out of my face
I'm tired of love
Feeling so misplaced
Time for you to go
cause I know I'm better off on my own

i have to psycho myself:

I LOVE MY NETBALL TRAINING.

DHT> i go crazy

hello boy it's been a while
guess you'll be glad to know
that i've learned how to laugh and smile
getting over you was slow
they say old lovers can be good friends
but i never thought i'd really see you
i'd really see you again

i go crazy
when i look in your eyes
i still go crazy
no my heart just can't hold that feeling inside
way deep down inside
oh baby you know when i look in your eyes
i go crazy

you say she satisfies your mind
tells you all of her dreams
i know how much that means to you
i realize that i was blind
just when i thought i was over you
i see your face and it just ain't true
no it just ain't true

i go crazy
when i look in your eyes
i still go crazy
that old flame comes alive
it's starts burning inside
way deep down inside
oh baby
you know when i look in your eyes
i go crazy

i go crazy
you know when i look in your eyes
i go crazy
no my heart just can't hide
that old feeling inside
way deep down inside
i go crazy
you know when i look in your eyes
i go crazy

crazy

HELLO!

i have been blogging lesser and lesser. and thinking of all that i want to post, i dont feel like posting anymore. so basically i'll keep it really short, I HOPE. hahah

so i shall start frommmm sunday!

err what did i do last sunday.. OH i was at home rotting. my bro and uncle and me were watching some show on channel five. cause granny was sick and so all of us stayed home. then suddenly that ass decided that she want to go to her mum's place. so we all rushed and got changed. uncle drove bro and her there then the two of us went to the other great grand's house. played cards and mahjong and i lost twenty bucks. damn.

hah then i received a call. went to meet daniel, ben, ken, ted and ryan. hah met christina, mel swee, chester, jem, leon, ken, benben blah. tahah. to meridien for pool. met petey there! hahah that ass. back to cine to watch ghostrider at 12.50. pretty alright. not too baddd.

then after that we cabbed to ken's place. ken cooked smoked salmon and scrambled eggs for us! super nice! i helped him cook! hahah. then we watch hellboy and i nearly fell asleep. left his place at around 5 am and we cabbed home.

MONDAY
went to dont know my second grand aunts place. then had lunch there. after that went to err, the other second grand aunts place. okay im damn bad at the names lah okay. hahah. so then played cards and all. i lost a little ): tahah

then after that, went to my great grand's place. played cards and all. they said that i look like im sec two! like hell no! hahah. after that went to jec. no movies to catch. so we went to jp. okay i was with my uncle and his fiancee and my bro. we caught just follow law at jp at 1am. mccafe before there was nice. iced choc and apple crumble (: yumm. the movie was pretty nice. quite funny. i think muthu is freaking funny! hahah

TUESDAY
the relatives came to my house. i woke up so late. woke up, washed up and got pulled to be the dealer for blackjack. i won 15 bucks with 0 to begin with (: yayy. after that went to my fifth grand aunts place. played mahjong and i lost badly! hahah after that went home and change. then went to clementi to meet esmonde. cabbed to kengheng's house with him. i super love kengheng's house! (:

it was pretty fun. with cedric that joker as the main chef. the food was pretty good. the company was great too. had pretty much fun (: bussed home with ian after that (: (:

WEDNESDAY
went to school despite my utmost reluctance to wake up. hah. so school was pretty alright. learnt about lupus during pccg. its so damn scary lah! then the ladies who were presenting cried! damn poor thing lah.

after that had training. I HATE TRAINING. I HATE HATE HATE TRAINING. fullstop. I WANT TO QUIT NETBALL.

ISLAND CREAMERY with amanda (: after that. it was a pretty good time, as usual (: reversO and kahlua latte and apple pie <3.>THURSDAY
met kengheng in the train at clementi. trained to pasir ris. went to get stuff and ordered the bbq stuff. bought water rise chic wings and chicken potato and jap lemon tea (: loveeee. met up with esmonde after that. went to pasir ris. left our stuff at the counter and went to walk around. esmonde had lunch with his mum and kengheng and i went to the arcade. hahah we were playing some candy machine! and we spent seven bucks on it! its so addictive lah! hahah

then after that we checked in and all. jiayi came. so we played bridge. after that we went out again. we went to the damn candy machine again! hahah then ven came. we spent like 70 bucks this time round! we got a whole damn bag heavy with candies and pockies! HAHAH. its super dumb and yet its so addictive know!

tahah so then we had subway. went back to the chalet after that. forgot what we did. watched tv and all. after that yunxing lissa dricee and ian came and ven went off. so the eight of us went to the arcade again. played the basketball game and all. dricee tried catching chip for me but he failed pathetically. HAHAH it was super funny lah. he actually did some thing that i think no one ever could. hahah

so then after that we went to play mushroom! a ian invented game! hahah it was damn fun lah! after that we went back to the chalet. played cards and all. kenneth ong alex and yao crashed our chalet. hahah. yupp. im their lucky charm! (:

tahah played poker with all the sweets that we had. super funny. i won every round of poker! then they were all like bankrupt and in debt! then they kicked me out of the game! ): hahah damn idiotic lah. no lah actually i quitted. i slept after that. tahah. some botak came to harass us!

woke up at around 5. then we went to macs for breakfast. bagel with omelette. tahah i did the sauce trick on alex! and he actually fell for it! HAHAH. it was a pretty good time there. went back to the chalet after that. and i slept again. ven came. then elis they all came too. ian yao and i slept for DAMN long. tahah. after that we went to play volleyball. then we had breakfast. then we went back to the chalet for awhile. ian and dricee left for training. yao ko and lex left too. then the rest of us, most of us went to play volleyball and mushroom. i was stoning while they were playing mushroom. ohwell. lotsaaaa things to think through.

after that went to collect the bbq stuff. then we started the bbq. i was damn hyper lah. i had super alot of fun. ambush, ice fights, puppet show, bbqing, doing funny stuff, bullshitting and all. it was great great fun (:

i think weijie is super super sweet lah. tahah lucky elis! hah. ian and dricee came at like 11. restarted th fire. and continued eating. HAHAH i ate super duper alot man. and ian has "go die plus" blood type, norman has "i am so full of shit plus" blood type, i have "youre a big screw up plus" blood type and dricee has "im a screw up plus" blood type! HAHAH. went to shower after that. went up to th room. sat there and oops, i freaking fell asleep. tahah when i woke up, there were only like a few people left. then joash yx evan weijie elis and i watched tv! hahah then we checked out and had lunch.

trained home after that. wenyao called and bugged me to play mahjong in the evening. slept, woke up and went there. had dinner. chicken rice and honeydew sago and i was still hungry! ohmygoodness. spoil already man. played mahjong after that. then i didnt want to stay overnight there. so they came over to my house to play cards. wenyao piggybacked me for a long time on the way to the bus stop. hahah relatively long lah. tahah retarded. ate again downstairs and we played taidee the whole MORNING. till 6am. and we all crashed. HAHAH

so woke up at around 10. yupp. slacked around and all. theyre gone already. and now im rotting.

i want tehtarik icecream

and my uncle is so ass. he gave me 450 bucks. and said "my angpow for you, be a good girl ah" then i say "from who, you?" then he "yah lah" then i "you also not married yet" then he pushed my head, "for the roasted pig lah. pass to ah ma later" WHAT THE RIGHT! hahah

alright. im super hungry. i need food. and i want to bathe. byebyebyebyebyebye

and im sick! i sound like a hoarse throat duck! and i was happy happy yesterday (: and happy happy on thursday! (: happy happy (: (: (: triple yays (:

I LOVE FOURDEE! :j

SUNDAY 4th feb
wanted to do WORK. cause after thinking thru what mrs kelvyna chan said. its so true lah. like i owe the school then i so naughty. so i decided to be a good girl. went to wenyao's place to do work. and damnit man. i didn do a single question. HAHAH oops. then we were damn hungry. we wanted to order pizza but decided not to. sooo, WE COOKED! hahah. we cooked mee goreng and campbell soup. then we had chilli tuna (: and cocktail plus longan and peach and pineapples! hahah yummaye (: then we watched tv till like 11 plus. and then i went home (: pretty fun evening. hah

MONDAY 5th feb
chapel was okay. then we had class contact. ohyah! i wore cedar's uniform! nice! i like! hahah. anyway, class contact. we played some game. then wahlao im supposed to draw "toe the line" on the board. then when i drew, they said that my toes look like you know a paw. wahlao. ass. thats why i dont take art right! hahah actually i want to. but cannot lah. i not good enough. drawing like pangsai like that.

blahblahblah. ohyah! i was asking weijoe about the bus incident. hahah he was damn funny. he was like "i look back i can see you waving but you cant see me" HAHAH thats true. cause got the pictures on the bus! hah. hmm ohyah! flower, lilin and winnie said i look nice in the cedar uniform! triple yays! hahah (: and richenda was so sweet! when she saw me she said "hi darling, i miss you" (: tahah

oh and that poor jasvin was sick. then he had some swimming competition at night. hes a national swimmer. cool right! hahah hes damn good lah. then he was very stressed. so he kept saying damn alot of vulgarities. and talking about him drowning in a one metre pool and all that kinda rubbish. hes damnit funny. and lengseng was so nice to tell jasvin that "if you need help, just come to us" hahah and lengseng is a damn easy target to bully lah! then i was asking if he has permanent marker, then he smiled until very wide "say please?" then i WHAT THE! hahah "its the only time i can bully you" HAHAH wahlao hes damn funny lah.

chinese was the last lesson. we were snapping photos in class. then someone called me and i pick up and said hello. HAHAH damn funny. oops. went back to fairfield to play against the cdiv. pretty okay. then cabbed back to ac for training. okay, dont tell me how dumb that is. hahah. so training was okay. after training, showered and rushed off for OG OUTING! hah thank you petey and cheryl for waiting for me! we cabbed to tiong. hah. peter was damn lame. "hey babe do you miss me" like NO! hahah. then he was saying that we wear the same thing like couple. couple your head ah! hahah. idiot. then we kept snapping each other! then cheryl was like stoning -_-" hahah.

peter: if my friend says that youre pretty and asks if youre straight. i saw lesbian can?
me: can!

HAHAH. yes im a freaking lesbian! tahah. so went to tiong. met up with 7 other people from our og (: tahah so dinner was pretty fine. much laughing and all. hah. brandy is super cute lah! hahah. okay im always saying that. snapped some pictures and all after dinner. and we all went separate ways after that. hah went home i mean.

TUESDAY
had my first mass pe. quite alright. hah. then went to chinese class. i was feeling damn cold lah. then my jacket was in front, and i as too lazy to take it. then nice xavier lent me his lah! when we just finished pe! hahah. thank you! (: and know something. i really am getting fatter day by day. i eat and eat and eat non stop lah! and they said that i made the chinese teacher cry! where got!

hmm i slept during geog. i was really very tired. oops. then after the lesson. this st margs girl came to me

her: are you from maris stella
me: maris stella is a boys' school (damn not happy tone, cause i was super sleepy)
her: i mean kindergarten
me: no
her: you look very familiar

i dont even know that this kindergarten exists -_-" hah. chem was next. shit it man. chem is so damnit boring now. i super hate my tutor! went to the toilet and met pamela. then she asked if i have a boyfriend! cause i rushed off after training. HAHAH innocent girl aye.

gp was next. its damn bullshit lah. we were doing some discussion thing and then we were supposed to think of questions. so i said "why do you say so" and then that weiting go and say so loud! then miss low was laughing and laughing. then i "SHHH! can you dont say so loud. later other groups copy our questions!" then miss low laughed even more -_-" then she kept looking at me lah! and blinked damn alot of times. then i was like -_-" "why you keep looking at me! i need to wear a mask man" -____-"

sooo, math was next. andrew was super irritating! he kept irritating me lah! hahah we kept TSK-ing each other! hahah. and jasvin was damn freaking funny.

jasvin: knn, got training again
me: hahah, what time?
jasvin: dont ask me what time, all the time

jasvin: tmd, tmr still gor cross country. cross what country. i cross the sea ah.

lengseng: im waiting for my mum's car
jasvin: why you waiting for your mum's car. you no "ka" ah. my two "kas" also better than your mum's one car ah.

HAHAHAH hes damn freakin funny lah.

hah i walked out with babi and joe ong. and i dont know whyi walked them al the way to the mrt when my bus stop was just across the road lah! hahah. its so stupid.

went home really early. at around 4 plus 5. and slept till dinnertime. hah yeah.

WEDNESDAY 7th
school was pretty fine. during math, brandy and i were talking about some international college. that if we both do badly, we would go to the college together (: then boon chong was talking about o's chinese and all. then talked about jasvin. he competed in the asean championships (: that guy clinched three golds and one silver out of four events (: good right! hah and jasvin has a friend who can run 2.4 under 5minutes. MADNESS RIGHT! brandy was super cute lah! he kept laughing! hahah okay, WE kept laughing! and we talked NON STOP lah! the teacher was like so irritated!

we were released earlier. was with amanda right after school. cabbed to turf city with qian and amelia. snapped lotsa stupid photos. hah. then we went to macs. then we were eating and laughing. "amanda i love you. so i dont want you to grow fat. i help you eat" HAHAH and i ate her fries. we were laughing about dman alot of things with chelsea yini and huizhen. tahah. then we got caught by some teacher! damnit. tahah went back to the place. walked around and all. ran the mass run. i came in 2nd! for girls. HAHAH. 3.5 km. damn long lah pangsai. hah i got around 18minutes. yay! hah met up with the netballers after that. did some cheer thing. then had prize presentation and the day ended. walked out with my classmates and some netballers. thank you chark for wanting to give me a lift!

took 157 with elgin. went to jjc. had dinner with them. hah it was a great time catching up with all of them. rosalind knows peter! hah damn funny. so yeah i ate alot! tahah like 2 pizzas, one chicken and whipped potato lah. wahlao im damn fat now! hahah ass man. then yupp we went to walk around the track. then we did so many retarded stuff. joanne piggybacked me, and spun me around like dont know what. i nearly puked man. hahah then we taupoked baby koh! HAHAH it was dman funny. its my first time taupoking people! then jerry said that i look like the kind that gets taupok. eh never before kay! hahah. i had super super alot of fun. i love the jj netball team hell alot (: when i boarded the bus, all of them were screaming and waving to me lah! super funny! and they made me smile like some idiot. you see one lone soul on the bus smiling and grinning. scary right. hahah.

THURSDAY
chinese was fine. the teacher said that im very wan pi! means naughty lah! eh im not lah please. im like so freaking guai can! hahah. then she said tho im very naughty she still wants to see me back in her class. then i was like err... hahah. i think our human geog teacher is damn cool la! shes so damnit freeeaking slack. i like (: hahah.

anyway miss low scared me lah! she said she wants me to be in her class and that im her kaixinguo. i nearly fainted. nehneh man. hah. anyhows. i hate the freaking chem tutor. and thus, im going to drop chem! hah. had swim pe in the afternoon. it was pretty fun. yupp. sotong told me that she likes me and she doesn want me to change class! hahah so sweet right! (:

then after that watched the rugby matches (: hah petey was with me. then petey said that he wants to join brandy and i at the college too! hah. yeah. went to watch brandy train after that. yupp.

FRIDAY
everything was pretty alright. watched some chinese cartoon video. tahah. then school ended at 10.30. everyone hugged and all. wished each other good luck and stuff. everyone kept saying "fairfield is just next door" to me lah! hah. trained with xavier after that. talked alot (: hah then i dropped at orchard. went to town to meet three TARDS.. nat meng and jacq. hah. bought the mango racer (: yays. then we went to bibi and baba and acted retarded. we tried on ac and rj's uniforms. hahah then yeah snapped photos here and there. bussed to holland after that. lunch at thai express was not bad (: cabbed back to school after that (:

screamed alot during the announcing of various achievements! hah and dricee and jiayi were super retarded. tahah. i got a book prize! ohmygoodness right! tahah i wasnt anxious to get my results at all. told my mum to prepare herself . tahah so yeah. my friends were all more anxious than i was -_-" tahah so got my result slip. was really shocked. and yeah. so then chatteed with some fourdee people. did three cheers for miss yeo (: then yupp, miss yeo treated some people ice cream. went back to ac for training after that.

called two people. and when i heard their voices, i felt so so much like crying ): not my family members. talked alot with mr ong. training was pretty fun yupp. ended pretty early. you could see sad faces here and there. well. i pushed nat and reena plus weights on the trolley! hah. yay im strong! hahah. the toielts were already closed. so we changed behind the pingpong tables. then some guy ran past. OMG! hahah. walked out with senior pamela after that. oh i helped ian and dricee talk to mr ong! hahah. so nice right (: tahah.

SATURDAY
went for two buffets. wope up really early. went to this one-month old COUSIN's dont know what. it was pretty fine. then cabbed to greatgrand's house. slept for a few hours. then cabbed to this one-year-old COUSIN's birthday. hahah. her cake is a 3d piglet lah! damn freaking big. as big as her lah! hah and the buffet's food was fantastic. sharks fin. hashima, samba abalone, dory fillet blah. damn damn nice man. tahah. jaclyn and chrisitna, i have COUSINS okay!

cabbed home at around 10plus.

SUNDAY
went out with esmonde. walked around town. saw alot of stuff that i wanna get. tahah. esmonde treated me a twenty bucks dinner at pastacafe cause i guessed something correctly. thanks ass! (: hah and i treated him rocky mountain! tahah. then right i saw this ripcurl beret that i wanted. but i didn have enough money. and that ass didn want to lend me at first. so ten minutes later, it was gone. i was like HEARTBROKEN. hahah well well.

so then walked around somemore. then went to starbucks. wenyao came along. for a short while only but he still wanted to come cause he felt bad about pangsehing us for most of the day. hahah. bussed back afterwards. yeah. and oh! we met miss toh! hahah. and wenyao and esmonde says that they know why im so smart! hahah im lazy to say. its just that they were talking and i was playing with my phone and then i suddenly commented. and they got shocked. then they were like i didn know you were listening. then i told them what i heard. then they were like "thats everything we said" HAHAH damn funny. then they said thats why im so smart. bullshit right! and we saw norbit's trailer. super funny! i wanna catch it with the both of them! hahah

MONDAY 12th
school as per normal. was in cedar's uniform again. hah. the day went by and all. needed the jae book and then i knew lengseng will have it! HAHAH. slept in geog lecture. i was damn freaking tired. hah. yupp. after school, went to see miss aisha. cause i faked miss low that i got 22 points then she went to tell miss aisha -_-" okay, i faked alot of people that i got 22 points. thank you emma zhuan yi and jean for accompanying me (:

went to the cafe with jean after that. walked her back to the stadium. met up with esmonde and lissa. brought them to the cafe to meet jacq, mitchel, ian, chark and winnie. yupp. it was a pretty fun time. dricee came afterwards. brought the two soccer boys down to meet the soccer team. went for training. it rained, so we skipped 2400 times. freaking tiring man. so yeah the mundane stuff and all. i hate it. had to redo the drills all over again cause we were SLOPPY. well.
after training. showered and all. peter saw me and waited for me. we went to serene centre to find flower and nick. petey and i ate macs and went over to island creamery. once we stepped in, they offed the lights of the fridge. like WHAT THE. went back to macs for a chat. then nick and i walked to the bus stop. had to run damnit. hahah so freaking tiring man.

came home, did the valentines day present till about 2. and fell asleep. HAHAH.

TUESDAY
i didn go school miss aisha asked me to call her. i kept getting into trouble damnit. woke up pretty late. used com for a while. went for the juniors' match. the cdiv are in the top four already (: good job girls (: dinner with someone special was cancelled. ):

bussed to marina. met up with es. got my beret (: tahah met senior swee cheng. then yeah. went kenny rogers! corn nibblets, mashed potato, marcaroni and cheese (: yumm i love (: hah. then went to imperial treasure for lamian and xiaolongbao. its not as nice as crystal jade's. hah. went to get the cake after that. it was so pretty! hah then walked around. saw so many things that i want! i want i want! hahah. bussed home after that. continue doing the vday presents till about 2.

WEDNESDAY- VALENTINES DAY <3!
neo's parents fetched me to school (: thanks! hah. passed present to some people in fairfield and went to school.

okay the day was really nice. i skipped chem lecture oops. i dont care! hahah. and hmm i need to thank all these people!

PAK! -muffin!
BABI CHEONG! the PRETTY BALLOON! (:
PETER! - the heart shaped thing and the choc banana cookies!
AMANDA YONG! the beautiful rose!
JEAN KOH! the nice muffin in pretty paper bag!
JEAN GOH! brownie in a pretty orange bag!
QIAN QIAN! m&ms!
SOH TENG! -chocs
VANESSA! -chocs
SHERMAINE! -three rochers in a pretty wrapper!
WANQI! -rocher!
CELESTE! -mickey mouse titbit!
JIAZHI! -mickey mouse biscuits
ETHEL! -hersheys kisses!
CHERYL LEE!- m&ms
JACO! - toblerone and m&ms!
DAWN! -cookie!
ESTHER(junior)! - cookie!
AHMA LIZHEN! -lollipop!
EMMA! -lollipop!
EMMA AND ZHUAN YI!- MARSHMALLOW BLAST
XINYI! -the chocs she baked!
NICK NGO! the pink balloon!
JEM! -KIT KAT COOKIE DOUGH!
WEIXIN! -m&ms
RUIYAN! hersheys kisses!
SHERRI! -the cereal thing!
SIJAY! -the hersheys in the nice nice package!
NICOLE FOO! -the hersheys in the nice wrapping!
XINGJIE! -yellow handmade rose!
SECRET VALENTINE! -SIX PRETTY COOKIES IN PRETTY PACKAGING
chong boon - for that black dont know what thing. hahah

THANK YOU GUYS! you guys made me soooo happy! (: hahah and sijay was so nice lah! i was complaining that i had no flowers! then he was like "why you never tell me, i sure buy for you wan what." hahah so nice right! hahah.

so had sji with the senior class. it was pretty alright. we had two choc cakes (: yummaye. then yeah snapped some photos and went back to fairfield with jacq chark winnie and meng. passed presents to some people too. then yupp. went to disturb miss yeo! hahah. it was super funny. lingered around for a short while and i made my way back to ac. ian and dricee came for training too. it was the selections. i played really badly but i really dont care anymore. well.

showered and wenyao called. met ian jiayi and yao at the gate. walked to buona. thank you people for helping me carry my stuff! (: hah. trained to dhobyghaut. when we were about to get off, i didnt know. so i got a shock and all my vday gifts toppled over! like WTH. then ian was helping me to pick up everything and all. super malu lah! haha and we were both wearing fairfield shirts! hahah. so that nice guy helped me carry my stuff (: thanks. we waited for 5 minutes for the train back to dhoby ghaut. HAHAH i think its super funny lah. but i gave you cookie okay ian chang. tahah.

met up with jiayi and yao again. went to cafe cartel but there was nothing to eat. they only had fish and pasta. tahah. so we went to bk. yupp. met up with alex. it was a pretty good time and all. bussed home with yao after that.

THURSDAY
didn want to go school. but i thought of brandy! "actually i got you flowers" hahah then i went to school and know what. stupid brandy didnt come! hahah that ass. and i was late know. actually i wouldnt have been. buti met sohteng on the way. so we decided that we shall just go to detention class. hahah. sohteng said that im cute. OMG. HAHAH. and emma pinched my face like im some small girl lah!

so yeah anyway the day was pretty good. except that i receive some ridiculous smses from some retard. like what the hell okay. miss leow was damn slack. hahah i love her man "if nobody else comes in, i'll give you guys free period. im very tired" hahahah but in the end, almost the whole class came luh. so she continued teaching. but it was damn slack and she let us off early. tahah.

hmm. went to see miss aisha at 2 plus. hmm. yeah. so had swim pe in the afternoon. yupp. pretty okay. it rained. im starting to really think that mr ong is yeeleen's boyfriend lah! hahah. i already suspected since last thursday but then yeeleen says no! hahah.

after swim pe, i realised that i lost my freaking phone. so i didnt go for detention. thank you petey and andrew for being there. andrew was really nice. the nicest he has ever been to me man. hah i went to buy a waffle and found my phone in the general office. bless the kind soul who found my phone (: so then went to the badminton hall to find petey. had salmon don in the cafe with margeret and her friend. then yeah. played badminton after that. damnit, peter is freaking good know. hahah. then went to find brandy to pass him his present. he came for tennis training. hah.

yeah. so after that. supposed to go off with jacq. but then her dad came. so i went home myself. met WESLEY on the bus! HAHAH so coincidental right! then we talked alot alot. hah that guy is really cute man! hahah.

hmm yeah. so got home, bathed and all. talked on the phone till 12 plus. yupp (:

FRIDAY
went to school. was nearly late. thankGod wasnt. they showed the dedications thing for vday. there were some really sad dedications. well. hmm yah. had class contact after that. then went to the hall for the concert. jean and i slept for a while. hah woke up at the indian dance part. the dikir barat was really nice! hahha. the dance also. i wanna join dance know. right from the start. i love watching people dance! hahah. but i think i cant dance luh ):

hah. so after the performance. went to find amanda. chatted with a few netballers for awhile. wanted to go back to fairfield but i didnt. cause i thought that no one is going back. so took bus with amanda jean goh sohteng and amelia. amanda and i dropped somewhere and we went to island creamery. tehtarik and fresh banana icecream are LOVE (: really. hah then we went to some nearby police post and waited for her dad. it was dman funny i tell you. cause her mum crashed her car, so they rented some car. and told amanda that its a BIG car. then amanda was so scared that they will pick her up in a van! hahah it was super funny. especially when theis van came and horned. amanda's heart dropped. HAHAH. it was freaking funny. i laughed till i cry lah! hahah. her dad drove me to the nearest bus stop, which was like 10metres away. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH it was damnit funny. so in the end, i didnt want to get off. so the dad drove me to another bus stop. HAHAH. i took 77 to town. met some girl on the bus that looked familiar. she waved and smiled. i did the same too, just that i dont know who she is. hah

so went to town. walked around in taka. then met yao. went to cine. met esmonde and his FRIENDS. hahah then yao and i met chark alex and yao. then we played pool (: then yao and i went shopping. had lunch at kfc. then esmonde joined us. so went to wisma blah. the fareast. yao bought two shirts. i bought one and a belt. the shirts are damn cool i tell you. hahah. limited edition eh. tahah

supposed to play overnight mahjong but we didnt. cause i was really tired. came home at around 11. showered. knocked out immediately. hah

met super alot of people lah, xingjie, chelsea, yini, huizhen, clarence and sherman, melissa from jj, anna, hengchuan, nicolette, terrance, kaishen, calvin, clarence chai, peiyan, hweeyi, evan chee michelle leong, ellery and 2 fairsians, geraldine and some acsians, and sebastian.

HAHAH thats damn alot right! hahah and i have a sad life man. i malued myself damn alot of times lah! super alot okay! hahah i dont wanna say. super malu lah. hahah only esmonde and wenyao know! hahah. oh and that kaishen! hes working in bk. then he served me. and i remembered him! hes my primary school wan nah! hes one year younger than me. tahah. not bad not bad my memory. HAHAH.

SATURDAY
woke up super early. packed my bag. went to wenyao's house there. had breakfast. fishball noodles 3 bucks plus egg prata. do i eat alot? i hell think yes. tsk. well well. so after that. went up to yaos house. woke him up and played mahjong. then we took a break and i slept.hahah waited for chye aik to come and then second round. tahah im the ultimate winner! the capital is 340. i had 593 at the end! (: hahah yayyyy

then played some poker. rushed home after that. reunion dinner was fineeee. mummy and uncle's fiancee talked to me about boyfriends. not talk lah but just like chatting. hahha. rubbish man they all. hah and now im on the com. this post is so freaking long man. and today i ate so much. fishball noodles, prata, chicken rice and reunion dinner. fat. I AM FAT.

hahah. tata

> FAIRFIELD NETBALL BGIRLS 07. heyy my darlings, cheer up yeah (: much love.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEARS EVE! (:

im such a happy girl (:

> stupid boy, i was so happy to see that message. i dont know why (:

and thank you everyone for the lovely presents! (: balloons, cookies, muffins, chocs, rose, and more chocs. thank you guys (:

i haven posted for the past week. and the post is really gonna be super long. but im not free to do it now. im really busy right now. hahah. and tomorrow's valentines' day! i have a date! im dating netball! from 3 to 8! WONDERFUL! hahah. anyway, im going for the juniors' match later and going for dinner with a special someone (: (: (: triple yaysss

know what, the m&ms that you gave me last may. i couldnt bear to eat them. and now theyre all expired ): ): ): ):

and i miss brandon lucas lai wen jie a heap load ): and i know i'll miss andrew, pet, nat and achala too. i hope hannah's staying ): amongst the midst of rejoicing, theres always stuff that will make you sad. tragedies, unfortunate events, whatever. they so suck. ):

and i really want to praise God for the biggest miracle in my life ever. my results. thank you Lord, for Your mercy and grace upon me.

; this never meant nothing to you

I shouldn't love you, but I want to

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to

Now i look back on the time that we spent and
I see it in my mind
Playing over and over again
Visions in my mind
Of the day that we met
U showed me things
That i'll never forget
U had my head up in the clouds
Make me feel like im floating

Its hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But Im doin It
Its hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and Im alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

I guess its over
Indefinitely
But u and i know
Its not that easy
To let go
Of everything that we had
And start all over again

You forgot about the promises
You made me
And now we'll let the memories
Just fade away
But i'll remember
What u used to say

its been exactly six months, and i finally really totally wholeheartedly got over you (:
and i truly wish you and her all the very best (:

; this is the day

and now the suspicions are confirmed. and know what, it hasnt even been six months. like i said, i must have been a fool to have tried believing what they told me.

and to you, i am damn disappointed in what you did on thursday.


kim, theres four more days/

GOOD MORNING (: okay afternoon. hah

so i shall start from hmm friday

so off to school as usual. first two periods were free periods so i was with lengseng, zhuan yi and jasvin. the geog students (: hah theyre a fun bunch i must say. and lengseng that good boy actually asked me to pon training! cause there was suppoed to be a class outing after school. and i couldnt go cause i had training. yeah. so he kept asking me to pon training the whole day lah!hes damn funny anyway. hahah

so then lessons blah. was with cheryl lee then we saw peter. we were all like super happy. thats how much we miss petey! hah but i cant wait for tomorrow! OG OG OG OUTING! (: triple yaysss. hahah. then cheryl was complaining that brandy always ignores her! HAHAH brandy always say hi to me! (: that time i sorta ignore him and he was like FINE NAH! hahah hes so cute!

anyway i was really tired so i was sleeping in chinese. then i was really like a zombie. so sijay saw me and asked if im okay. nice guy (: hah. and brandy lai is nice (: hah my chem pract class happened to be next to brandy's. then we just happened to turn around at the same time and waved! hah brandy! (:

bio lecture was up next i think. and know what that stupid andrew did! i was walking out of the lecture hall, then he pulled my bag, and then i was like OHSHIT! cause i thought i got stuck at the door! HAHAH stupid ass.

hah blahblah. sitting with zhuan yi and emma during classes are really fun. those two are forever engaging in INTERESTING conversations. HAHAH.

OH! and lengseng was like damn horrified, cause i ate damn alot. i ate rice plus donut plus dont know what. i just kept eating! HAHAH. blahblah. went back to fairfield after school. walked around and all. ian and jiayi were in school! hahah. norman came later too. so yeah, it was pretty fun walking around, watching the hustle and bustle of fairfield. blah.

had to rush back to ac for training after that. was talkin to ian at the street soccer court there. so near yet so far. he was in fairfield and i was in ac. hahah. so training, i ran four rounds and did a lil bit of weights and i didnt train after that. damn you stiff neck ): anyway, senior xian wei and senior GABY are damn nice! (: hahah and senior jerry is damn funny! hahah.

so i was pretty bored. sitting there and stoning. and know what, friday trainings are the more important ones. hmph. didn shower after that. the sports complex was like blacking out everywhere already. hah. anyway amelia sister was there, so i just went "youre amelia's sister. so whats your name? amanda?" then she nodded. i got a shock lah! HAHAH so coincidental!

hah wanqi's dad sent me to parc oasis after that. bussed home from there. was on the phone till like 11.30 or something. then was on the com till around 2. SIMIMON IS DAMN FUNNY! hahah

SATURDAY
woke up at like 1 plus. then met christina at 2 plus. went to jjc's carnival. met many many many people! clarence, sherman, babi, cheryl, kong, wenyao, xinyi, pak, joelynn, xiangfeng, lanz, yongzhi, grace, meng, joshua lim, tiff, norman, aaron, alex, jiayi, junjie, pengtiong, zheyuan, shahidah and gang, huishi, amelia, elis and weijie, joanne, qihui, jerry, sherri, jiapei, vanessa, jacintta. blahblah cannot remember already. hahah. anyway zheyuan is damn funny! he couldnt recognise me despite xinyi's attempts to help him to. hahah then after xinyi said "kimberly yeo. you know? kimberley yeo" thn a few seconds later, zhe yuan went "OH! KIMBERLEY YEO WAN TING HUH!" hahah super funny lah he. didn get on any rides. lin and i spent all our money on food. and there was nothing like fantastically nice. hah. we watched finish the performance at the central stage. then lin and i went off. went back home to change and all. then accompanied her home before bussing to town.

met up with three lovelies at cine. namely, aileen tham, leon teh and kennedy kweh. poor julia was sick. takecare sweet (: hmm so yeah. we went to take for dinner. hah pretty fun time and all. went to art friend. its my favourite place now! im going to go back there maybe later or something. hahah (: i like. we wanted to catch a movie but there was no timings at lido. the guys went to play lan while i walked aileen to her bus stop.

went to meet daniel after that, at cityhall. walked to dxo. ben had been queuing for like 3 hours. and then we realised that our damn tickets were fake. but in the end, we got the original. and then we went in. watched the people dance and all. pretty cool luh. anyway simimon was there! hes damn funny. hes a digimon lah, he could have just flew up or destroy everyone there. HAHAH. reuben, ben low, stella, clara blah were there also. hahah. super funny lah ben low. he was queuing with me, cause we were underage -_-" hahah. so yeah got to know ben's friend. hes baohan. he looks damn scary lah, but wahlao, hes full of shit man! hah. we went to the second level and sat there. pretty nice and all. lotsa lame jokes and all. hahah you knw one glass of coke costs 10 bucks. theres diamond dust inside man! hah. we left at around 4am. cabbed to lau pasat for BREAKFAST. bbq stingray (: yumm. and ben paid for ALL my expenses lah. must pay him back.

they all sent me home after that. thank you guys. i had fun! (:

and that day hiroshi talked to me, after like four years. hah, and he still remembers so so much about me! hah. scary aint it. HAHAH last time he always call me wan lah! then play violin -_-' i was damn irritated seriously. HAHAH. oh and i got a lil traumatised after that by someone else. well.

anyway my granny was damn cute lah! she was staring at me again. then i was like WHATTT. then she smile smile smile, my hair nice not? HAHAHAH PANGSAI! second time already lah! hahah. then she nagged at me for drinking coke again. then i was like no lor, i drink already then i give you the can. i so nice right. HAHAH.

but at the end of it all, nothing can take my mind fully off that.

i have seven more days.

; youre just a sad song with nothing to say

today was pretty good (: except for the fact that i had a stiff neck ): hah. well, kinda lazy to blog now. hah

anyway, simimon made me laugh really hard just now. hes so super funny!

i called him a mean fisherman and so he said that im fisherman's friend! so he went on to say that his favourite flavour is apple SINIMON. HAHAHAH he doesn know how to spell it! hahah in the end, he became SIMIMON! hes a digimon! HAHAHAH

i have alot of new songs and im real happy today ((:

> thanks for the massage <3! (:

; and will it matter after im gone

i havent really blogged in a long time. so since i have time. i'll try to blog. hah.

SUNDAY
went out with esmonde in the afternoon. to novena for his volcom jacket. and oops, i bought 2 fila polo tees (: and one fila tee for my brother (: so yeah. got his jacket and all. i really wanted to get this ripcurl bag but i didnt. so yeah. then we went to bugis. got my denim shorts and another limited edition tee. got a bracelet too. ohyeah, and two pairs of earrings. hah. i spent like 850 bucks in 3 weeks. die man. dinner at fish&co was pretty nice. seafood platter for two (: i was so damnit full. and i wanted to drink sharkie freeze so much lah! DAMN. hah. i like the clam chowder (: and there were three birthday babies in the house. hah.

MONDAY
went to fairfield to pass ahma lizhen her present. then yeah. went into the toilet. this girl looked at me and said "your ear will get CATCH leh" then i was like going to laugh but i dint. so i just said that i wasnt in the school already then she went "so malu!" hah shes so funny. school was as usual. can you believe it, a class of freaking 11 or below pointers are scared about their olevels results. like HELLO, im twenty lah can.

anyway, was smsing peter during assembly. it was damn funny. "wahlao. this is damn lame. i can see you lah" then peter stood up, pretended to stretch, saw me and laughed. hah that pandhi. anyway i pon class pon until i dont know anything. i cant answer all the questions that were shot at me lah. damnit. miss low asked us to do some quiz thing. when i gave her my paper, she looked darn terrified, then she read my answers first. hah.

we are playing some secret valentine game. something like angel and mortal. then its like -_-" i was thinking who i want to pick, i was thinking DONT WANT this person. then i got him lah! WAHLAO! but anyway, we reshuffled. so then i was like. okay i want that person. and i got him! HAHAH. scary right. last time also. i was thinking, "okay cedric lah" and i got him. then they wanted to reshuffle! then i was like piang eh, sure cannot get dricee already cause i was the second last person to draw. and i got cedric lah! HAHAH.

anyway my class is damn scary can. they know the answers to everything lah! hah anyway my mummy is damn nice (: i cut school and tahah, went for the juniors match. they won (: so yupp. went back to ac for some dsa/appeal talk. mrs kelvyna chan is damnnnnnnnn nice lah. seriously, DAMNNNN nice. hahah. so yeah. and brandy lai is damn cute (: tahah. anyway, miss low is quite nice lah. hah. didn go for training. was really sick and tired of stuff. ohwell.

TUESDAY
didnt go to school. so yeah. went to jjc to find xinyi. met xiangyuan, rosalind, joanne, jerry and qihui. and that made me really happy. i really miss them alot. but at the same time, i was damn sad. ohwell. yeeleen drove xinyi and i down to fairfield. so yeah played against the bdiv. i so suck man i tell you. well. met senior angela and people. chatted a fair bit with her. got my yummies and went home with xinyi.

WEDNESDAY
went to school. was nearly late tho i woke up earlier than usual -_-" so yeah. bio pract was up first. i was really quiet. and i felt so much like crying. chem was next. thank you jasvin for helping me do my work. had to copy chem. rushed like shit lah. but in the end thank god i didnt have to hand it in as yet. im damn bullshit lah i think. hah. i think my class thinks so too. i was damn kanchiong lah. copy until like pangsai. somemore must recopy math cause jasvin's handwriting was super not like mine. hah

math was next. brandy lai was as usual, super cute. hah. we kept laughing lah. then he took my paper and i pointed my 4th finger at him! hahah. that stupid boy. and i sat beside a genius who knows everything. shes crazy. like really.

hmm i dont know whats up next. i cant remember. hah. heck. i know during pccg, we had a discussion about valentines day. i wanted secret recipe's cake! and some wanted awfully choc! awfully choc is not say damn nice what. hah. anyway, more people supported my idea! YAY! hahah. they say that im damn smart -_-" hell bullshit. anyway did i mention that ac's students council is really creative? love ACtually. hah. and their project all must go video is super cool! hahah. actually all the ccas are damn creative lah! hah

hmm so after school. went to the all must go sale. hah. so got a notebook and a tee. went back to fairfield for awhile. was really dreading training. and i nearly broke down in front of kong they all. ohwell. went back to ac. was really like so.. i dont know. well. ran 1.2 km as usual. im happy with my timing. like really. well. so training wasnt so bad. i talked alot i dont know why. told them about corny pick up lines like "my name is jing wan, you can call me tonight"

hah. weights and drills and stuff. pretty okay. talked alot with hui shian and eden (: yeah. went to the cafe with like ten netballers after training. it was pretty fun. yeah had to go off soon after. didn shower, just changed. i was damn shocked when i came out of the toilet. i saw yuquan! hah. and then i met him at the bus stop also. so we talked and talked. and we both so happened to have to go to tiong! tahah. its really nice talking to him (:

so met up with esmonde and kengheng (: had dinner. and we watched gridiron gang. nice! hah. then yeah, reached home at around 1am. it was a pretty good night (;

TODAY
dint go school again -_-" went to school at around 12. to pass yuxuan his homework. pangsai, i didn even copy. damnit. die already man. anyway yuxuan is a damn nice guy lah! so then i was comtemplating as to if i should go to school. i didnt in the end, i went to pjc. it was a treacherous journey. i took five buses lah! hah thank god i have concession! hah. hmm so went into pjc. its pretty okay. saw a few familiar faces. ying thong, edwin, stanley. hah i wanted to eat the apple lattice but i had to wait. so i ate the peach tart instead. its pretty good. left pj at about 3. we went back to fairfield. went to find miss yeo, had a good talk with her (: then i went to find the netballers. yeah. it was a pretty good time talking to them and all. had a chat with shaun wai also. then went off at around 6. and so coincidentally, i had to see him when i was walking out.

anyway, i have a dare to complete tomorrow. im supposed to go up to my eyecandy and say "my name is jingwan, you can call me tonight"

> KENGHENG! thanks for the two bars of switzerland chocs! (:

> bestfriend. i no longer know what to say to you. i am sad too. i really am. ohwell


`And I dont know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make the feelings stop

Just so you know
This feeling's takin' control
Of me and I can't help it

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to

> i never expected it. but now that i know, i just have to accept it. at the end of it all. youre still not who they made you out to be. and i must have been a fool to have even tried believing them.
/ ten days. i just need ten days.

; theres so much i cant say