im feeling mega shitty right now.
i cried like some pangsai like seriously.
i feel so loserish or whatever.
so yeah, im not in the team.
all those "its so unexpected", "you stood a high chance" , "i thought you would have gotten in"or whatever, they dont change a thing.
i mean i really appreciate all those messages and all.
but you know at the end of it all, nothing changes.
its not that i feel sorry for myself not getting in or what.
i know im gonna sound like really mean or something.
but like seriously, i feel that some people do not even deserve the place.
like i can say with all my heart that all those girls that arent chosen ARE better than some of those chosen. like seriously. hate me if you want to. but like seriously.

i have never felt that things were so bloody unfair before in my entire life.
like i dont totally say that its not my fault.
yeah but im so sure that
its my damn bloody fault for being short
its my damn bloody fault that im not a shooter
-

but i know that
its my fault for losing passion
its my fault for not wanting it hard enough
its my fault for slacking off.
its my freaking shitass life.

not like im saying im all good and that i deserve a place or whatever. its just that i feel so upset that i lost the place to people whom i dont think are as good as i am. kill me sue me or whatever. call me bhb or say i think too highly of myself or whatever. but this is what i feel. i have never been so damn honest about it before.

so the point is, im not bloody in the team.
for the first time in my whole damn life.

i feel that youre such an unfair bitch.

i totally hate this. i wonder if anyone really understands how i feel.

like whatever whatever im still feeling mega shitty.

im just ranting and ranting and feeling sucky.
yah call me pathetic.

thanks grann, mum, uncle, marcmarc, jacq, jaclyn, christina, wenyao, xinyi, amanda, wanqi, jem, shuhui, cheryl lee, charkchark, jiazhi and celeste. and pandhi hamster.

i have never been so sad in a long time.
i thought this never mean much to me or never would mean much to me. and now that im not inside, i feel damn freaking sad. hah loser right. ohwell. im so gonna miss jiazhi celeste reena shuhui cheryl and pamcil

maybe only marc and jem understands totally. no, i know amanda understands.
amanda, now i really really know how you felt.

hello girls, i really do love you guys alot. i love some of you more than you guys ever will know. these few months had been really great. i really am thankful that i have gotten to know you guys. i definitely had much fun and i had really been happy hanging out with some of you. and i wish you guys all the best. tho i aint gonna stay, but memories stay yeah. maybe i havent been exactly the best friend or best team mate around but you guys had been great i must say. it really had been a joy being able to know some of you guys more than i ever thought that i would. you guys mean a heap load to me, really.

especially to jiazhi, cel, reena, shu, pam, cheryl, yini, shian, thank you guys.

well.
the bloody first time im not going to kallang.

i hate this.
"its okay to lose"
but not to people who arent better than you are.

well, that did bring back memories of the damai game. well, freak it.

blow me up for being mean.

call me the biggest sore loser on earth.