I never saw it coming

Over You played on my poddie today. remember you asked me to send you nice songs end of april 07? i sent you Over You by chris daughtry and you thought i sent it to you cause i wanted to say that i'm over you. HAHA. i remember in january to april 07, we used to talk on msn till like 2am rather often even though there's school the next day. then i'll always pon school. HAHA. i remember how you said you really like talking to me, and you really enjoyed talking to me and you were amazed at how i always made you laugh silly to yourself in front of the computer in the wee hours of the morning. haha. and then you kept forcing me to go to your polo games and whined and said so many retarded things like "i can say hi to you at the pool!" and "it makes a difference to me that you're there!" etc etc to get me to go. and i really went for every single game -_-" haha. and you thought jem was my boyfriend cause he accompanied me for one of the games and you got so sad. HAHA. somemore always message me and drop me so many hints that you like me. PLUS ASK FOR MY TIMETABLE SOMEMORE and took note of our common breaks. then you just suddenly abandoned me. BASTARD. haha. but well, its all in the past. a part of the good but at the same time, not-so-good memories hahah [:


the sweetest surprise ever [:

Zhuan* says:
WOMAN why did you ditch nicky  
Zhuan* says:
now fairytales dont exist anymore
KIMBERLEY(: says:
cant you tell from my blog haha
KIMBERLEY(: says:
i guess they never did
Zhuan* says:
oh I read already 
Zhuan* says:
are you okay
Zhuan* says:
hmm I dunno
Zhuan* says:
its like you're the model couple
Zhuan* says:
like how couples should be like

HAHAHA zhuan you're damn cute i swear. dont worry, i'm sure your fairytale is waiting for you (:


-

ANYWAY!!!

so friday night, marc picked me up and drove me up to this really pretty place. haha on top of a hill and it would be perfect if the sky wasnt so cloudy. but still, there were quite alot of stars (: very nice. haha and we tried to signal to people at the foot of the hill with our striking heartshaped lights. HAHA. then marc said "i'm drinking my piss, and your piss" cause he was drinking newater HAHA joke. marc drove me to guthrie at around 1 plus, cause my mummy was coming to pick me. he stopped outside coffeebean there. then suddenly this car turned in behind him and he was like "WAHLAO EH. why got car turn in at this time" so marc turned out and made a round, then i looked at the car and "OH ITS MY MUMS CAR HAHAHAHA"

SATURDAY MORNING, i dragged myself out of bed for HARRYPOTTER at 9am. but i was 45 minutes late. luckily the movie was at 1030 instead. haha as expected, AVIS THE PIG DINT COME cause she couldnt wake up. haha so it was only reena celeste and me! but it was fun (: although i dont really like harry potter but i was sad when dumby died, he's so cute. ): we went window shopping and then i went home to catch some sleep after that before heading out to vivo for dinner with my family and then meeting jiazhi [: i love my alliance cause she's damn retarded. haha. mummy came to pick me at 12 and then i waited downstairs for warrick. i was wondering why he was taking so long, TURNED OUT THAT HIS BIKE BROKE DOWN HAHAHAHAAH. what the hell. truefriend is the nicest to me (: i've got a photo of him that is damn funny, i made him do some stupid face. haha. shall post it up when blogger is working properly!


SUNDAY was tuition, then returning the things, and then going to bugis to meet aiger/akachu! YOUSHEN MADE US WALK LIKE 10000km i almost died. AND YOU KNOW MY OG IS DAMN BAD, they keep spreading false things about me. like "SHE CANNOT WALK ONE", "SHE WANTED TO TAKE CAB FROM CENTRAL FORUM TO KENT RIDGE HALL", "SHE ONLY GOES TO TOWN, HIGH END PLACES AND CLUBS". and evidence! "eugenia(: says: you dont attract all the weird ones into our group can already" cause melvin kept saying that i attract all the weird guys... and jerome kept reminding me of the prata man. HAHAHA actually the prata one quite funny. that time one night after supper, i was gonna leave the prata shop. then the prata man stopped me "wait wait. thank you ah. and see you tomorrow night" HAHA what the hell right. these are just 4 of the many things they say about me. somemore, everytime they say, they laugh. hahaha. but i love aiger no matter how they always make me talk about donald or remind me about donald or say these kinda nonsense about me cause aiger is really awesome (: haha.

after ten thousand years, we finally bought some stuff -_-" haha. i left with jesmine and i went to cathay to meet jaytothezee for the haunting in connecticut. how about the show....... is damn bad. haha it wasnt even funny at all. so it sucked even more than the rest of the horror shows. other horror shows quite funny. this one is like -_-" DONT WATCH AH. dont waste money. haha to our favourite hangout, starbucks, after the movie and sat there just talking till almost twelve (: (:

yesterday was missing orientation talks cause i couldnt wake up and then working till 11! there was a birthday surprise party for uncle weetiong after work! and there was free flow of redwine, white wine and beer and food and awesome tiramisu cake (: haha. it was really fun! [:

and today, sugar woke me up at 725.... to go for orientation talks. haha and he bought subway cookies for me for breakfast what an awesome friend! (: i almost got lost while making my way to school HAHA. lunch at holland after that and then back to school for an useless talk before going to cine to watch public enemies with eugenia and sugar! haha johnny is rather hot! haha. i love the way he loves billie. he's just damn awesome and sweet (: haha. spent about 10 minutes browsing magazines in borders after celeste brought us there 2 weeks ago and introduced me to magazine-browsing, while waiting for titi. HAHA. titi picked me up from town at 728(yes you were early good job brother! haha) and we went for dinner at my house here. WANTED TO EAT THE BEST STINGRAY IN SINGAPORE BUT THEY WERE SOLD OUT. omg ): so we ate curryfishhead instead haha. then we htht until ten plus then he went home (: ohyeah, and youshen called me to just tell me that this person was in our og, he said "okay lah, i'll see you. oh anyway blah blah blah" five times and continued talking. in the end, he talked for 9minutes HAHAHAH. he's really a talking machine that never stops.

registration for school tomorrow and staying over in preparation for oweek! AWEESOMEEEE :D

i received three really encouraging messages today , and i dont know what i've done to deserve the best friends anyone can ever get. and i've received really encouraging stuff from people whom i dont really talk to and i'm really thankful! God is really good to me (:

"eh mummy sign the papers on your table okay. got a few."
"yes madam"

HAHA retard.

shizzz i really think i'm damn fortunate! :D

gonna meet yixuan the auntie and jaclyn the bestfriend tomorrow before staying over! [: and melvin's really honoured cause he's gonna be the person whom i'm gonna enter ion for the first time with! haha and he bought me timtam cookies and cream from perthhhh :D

AND I MUST GO TRAINING THIS FRIDAY!!! i havent gone training for like 1 month plus omg. i'm like super unfit now. oh anwyay that day i went for health check the doctor said my heart beats very slowly and asked if i play sports. i told jiazhi and she was like WHAT BULLSHIT, YOU HAVENT EVEN EXERCISED FOR SO LONG. THE DOCTOR BOGUS ONE RIGHT" HAHAHAH. according to someone, I'M FULL OF POTENTIAL OKAY HAHAHAH.

alright goodnight my friends, dream of pepper HAHA :D

well, i wanted to blog about what happened actually. but i guess, i wouldn't. i shall be nice [:


i'm getting over it (: and i'm really proud of myself. i wouldnt have been able to do it all on my own. i really need to thank Marc and Warrick the most. and of course Jaclyn, Jiazhi, Celeste, Reena, Cheryl, Yixuan, Ther, Val, Titi, Darren, and Ben.
thanks to all those who texted me, or talked to me and was concerned about me. Christina, Zhuan, Pam, Xinyi, Jasvin, Daniel, Jerome, Jesmine, Leon, Neo, Denise etc. really sorry if i missed out anyone.

this is not easy at all, but i know i'm doing really well [: i really have awesome friends and my really supportive family and i'm really super thankful for each and everyone of you guys.

originally, i wanted to type out the whole story about us, from how we first met till how we ended. like in detail, so i could show how bastard i was to nicky and how sweet nicky had been all along. cause i dont want to make it seem as if like i'm the total victim and i've never been bad to him. and of course what caused the breakup. but i guess, i am too lazy. haha. its too long.

i havent been the best girlfriend and i know that. i know i have made you upset countless of times, hurt you alot and made you cry quite a few times, but at the very least, i've never lied to you or cheated on you. i dont know what to think of the whole 19 months that we've had. even up till this point in time, my friends still keep telling me that they could tell that you really loved me and that i know it myself, when i kept saying that you've never loved me at all. all the things you've done for me, surprises, gifts etc and how much you cared for me and all that. everyone just keeps saying "he really loves you kim" i tried to tell myself that actually you've never loved me at all, so that its easier for me to move on. but to be honest, i know you really did. no one can ever do the things you've done for me, if they dont love the other person. and i really could tell and feel that you love me. all the times when i tried to break it off with you and how you always held on so tightly to this relationship and never letting go even though you were really sad. all the effort you've put in for the both of us, i was always touched by how you were always so strong for us. remember how we were so proud of our relationship cause we really trust each other and are really honest with each other? like how we could tell each other every single thing in the world, and never hid anything from each other. like who we dont check each others phones or read each other's messages cause we'd automatically tell each other who messaged us and all that. like how trust was the foundation of our relationship? you emphasized that so many times but in the end, it was you who broke the trust that you've earned and which we had painstakingly built. the level of trust and honesty we shared really isnt found in every other relationship. and we were on the right track, honesty is the key. i really have no idea what went through your mind when you decided to lie. its strange how you can do such stupid things when you've loved me so much all the while. its just really weird and incomprehensible.

well but thank you for all the wonderful memories you've given me. and every single thing that you've done for me. all the long, cute and no-matter-how-many-times-i-read-i'll-still-find-them-super-sweet letters, photos, cards, neoprints, straw hearts, paper hearts, drawings, little notes etc. i'll keep them well. the nailclipper that you bought for me cause i always peel my nails instead of cutting them, the ointment you delivered to my house at 12 midnight and had to take cab home cause i had a corn on my little finger, the turtle earrings you got from the states cause you remembered about the neonturtle i drew which was so 2007, ipod, lgms, lightsticks, sewing machine and all the other little gifts, i'll keep them well too. there are just so much memories. i doubt i can ever finish listing them out. there were so many sweet things that nicky did for me that i've never blogged about. and i really like how you always take note of the things i like, and how you can remember some cute memories of us back in j1, which i can't recall at all.

i remember how people came up to me and told me that you were a player and told me to stay away from you, but someone asked you and you said "i may be a player last time, but im really serious about kim" i remember how you always talk about marriage and get all whiny cause i refuse to marry you. and i remember how you fetched me from kallang with a big umbrella after my game, brought me to your grandma's place for dinner, and i said "omg, im gonna meet like your whole family" and you said "yay! cause we're gonna get married!" in a super happy way and i was like ".... " and you went "you dont wanna marry me!!! ):" and i just "okay lah okay lah i marry you okay" and you started kicking a big fuss haha. it was cute.

why did something so beautiful turn into dust just like that, why did you choose to ruin all that we had. what you did was really foolish, and really really dumb. i hope you've really learnt your lesson. val told me that people do stupid things. but i guess your case is really unforgivable.

you promised forever, and i told you not to use that word but you insisted and you said "i'll never stop loving you" "you're really the one for me, you're really the one whom i love the most, i can't live without you, i know you think i can go on without you but i can't, i really can't, i really need you, i've never loved someone like i love you" you told me that even when you were together with her, you thought about me and missed me and you really missed talking to me. and you regretted getting together with her and not me although you liked me. and how you forced yourself to stop liking me. you said you really honestly think we'd be everlasting. you stopped me everytime i mention something like "what if one day we break up?" you always get sad and say "we'll never break up! i dont allow you to think that way. you cannot think that way!" and you said "we won't break up baby, we never will!" remember the first time you called me baby? that was one of the cutest and longest message i've ever received. hah. remember how you always hug me so tightly and whisper into my ears "baby, i really love you" remember how you said "you're first in my heart. you're first in my everything. you're first in my life. i care for you the most. i've never felt like caring so much for someone. i think about you everytime. i can't ever stop thinking about you. i really need you. you dont know how much you mean to me and i really love you, more than you ever can imagine" to me in one shot? i almost teared in front of you.
there were so many sweet things that you've said and done that would probably be stuck in my head for awhile. and i always smile when you tell me that you miss me already even though we just parted.

and this "i love you. i dont want to say it too much if not it will lose its meaning. i just want you to know that i really mean it."

i remember talking to marc one day, and he told me that "you know, i've seen nicky and all his previous girlfriends. and i know he's really different this time. he really puts in alot of effort for you. i can tell that he really honestly likes you" and when i asked nicky about it, he gave me a sad face and said "you won't believe me" i said "why? dont believe you what?" and he replied "that i really really love you"


and i'll never forget that pair of eyes that look at me with so much sadness and pain everytime i hurt him, and that voice that sounds so sad. and his frustration when i just don't care about him. they filled me with guilt everytime. sigh. its really a wonder how he could take my prideful-ness and meanness.

ohwell whatever it is, today saw the last time i'll ever be meeting his family, and seeing the hamsters. i'll really miss the hamsters and of course, gambee. while i sat at the hamster cage today, gambee kept rubbing his head against my back. maybe gambee knows that i'll never be back again. nicky booked in last night, so i went to return his stuff after tuition today since it was so near. i took back my crumpler but i couldnt find my sweater anywhere. i returned his crumpler and his jacket and jeremy asked me "are you going to take it down? its quite nice" and he pointed at the wall. "he can take it down himself", i replied. the wall, was probably the nicest thing i've ever done and i'm sad to know that it'll be gone one day. i'm really thankful for his family. they make me feel welcomed and warm and i like how i can talk to his mum and how they make me feel like im part of the family. and it really saddens me to never see them again.

what a pity really. this whole relationship is really damn freaking wasted.

everyone is really shocked, cause they really thought we'd last, that we were a really different and special couple, that nicky would never do a thing like that. well, i guess these are the twists in life. and i dont get why people are telling me to give him another chance -_-"

this is random but i just thought its damn funny haha

"lee yixuan says:
thn i went to stalk your blog

lee yixuan says:
at first i thought hor

KIMBERLEY(: says:
uhhuh

lee yixuan says:
its another stupid trick you and nicky came out with to make fun of the whole world one leh

lee yixuan says:
thn hor i think again

KIMBERLEY(: says:
HAHAHAHA

KIMBERLEY(: says:
nice trick there

lee yixuan says:
your blog post the story quite complicated

lee yixuan says:
so hor maybe its real "

HAHA low iq auntie.


there are just really too many cute, funny and sweet memories. if you know how retarded and cute nicky actually is, maybe you'll be able to imagine how i smile when flashbacks occur. we are really damn retarded haha. like how we play catching and splashed water at each other and chased after one another in school haha. how we play charades with one another, how we compete to see who can not blink for a longer time, how we play with water guns, how we mimic people or things, how we have pillow fights and try to kill each other hahaha, how we try to scare each other, and how we always talk damn retardedly and play retarded games and end up laughing so hard. i guess i better stop going on, if not, i'll never end. haha. and its funny how everytime people say "wahlao you two are damn retarded" and we'd go "not me" and we'd start arguing "its you its you " and all that. haha. maybe i can store them as bottles of memories like in harry potter. haha. it was a really awesome and fun and probably the best 19 months.


well whatever it is, its pointless being sad. why be sad when you can be happy right? (:



and i found out what he planned for me for my birthday. he actually planned it in june when my birthday is in august. he bought lady gaga concert tickets for a few friends and myself cause he guessed that he wouldnt be able to spend my birthday with me cause of army. when i heard about it, i was really touched at the effort he'd put in to plan all these and how he got my friends to join in the surprise. it is really very sweet.


i remember zhuanyi messaging me one day and telling me that nicky and i are really cute and sweet and that she shouldnt read my blog anymore cause if not her boyfriend will die next time. haha. then reena said that my blog is bad cause it makes people who read it feel bad about their boyfriends. and that everything that nicky has done for me can be drawn up into a love contract for other girls as criterias for their boyfriends. hahaha. i thought that was quite funny. and i'll really never forget how constantly i was told that i was lucky, and that nicky is really damn sweet and nice to me, that he's a guy who's hard to come by, that i dont have to worry cause nicky would never lie or cheat on me, that we are really sweet and cute, that he really loves me and that i really should treasure him.

i like the fact that my friends and family loved him, trusted him and believed in him like i did.

ohwell.

all the best, nicky.
-

i really have to thank MARC, for coming to pick me right after i broke up with nicky. he drove me to this really nice hilltop and i really felt so much better after that. marc had to wake up super early for some army stuff but yet he came to pick me and accompanied me till quite late. thanks smelly, i really really appreciate it! [: maybe next time we can really try rolling down the hill haha.

and the next person, WARRICK WEE. truefriend cycled over to meet me at about 1230am after i got back from vivo with jiazhi. have never seen warrick so solemn and silent HAHA. and being his retarded self, he cheered me up a great deal. and he kept reminding me that i'm a really strong person and that i'll get over this soon. he said he'd accompany me the whole night if i didnt feel like going home. and i thought that was really nice. then he said he'd message me everyday then he went AHSHIT, I GOING FIELD CAMP, NO HANDPHONE, NO INTERNET. hahaha so he said he'd send me 7 messages before he goes for field camp. i said why not 10, since its 10 days right. haha and he was like WHY YOU SO CALCULATIVE. HAHA. so i said FINE DISCOUNT.

"message 1. i've decided to dedicate my last 15 hours of civilian life to you. so i'll be sleeping with my phone next to me. if you cant sleep, call me i'll ride my bike over. "

i was really really touched.

he sent me message 6 before he slept tonight, and it was really sweet and i was reallyyyyyyyy touched. (:

thanks truefriend, maybe we should really tattoo T and F on our hands HAHA retard.

and thanks ALLIANCE, for spending time with me these two nights. although the movie really sucked, but time spent with you is always good cause i can always laugh at you HAHA. thanks for always being there for me (: i'll never forget how i was crying in the voiddeck in 2007 april cause of nicky and cause of that, we started talking and became really good friends [: it is actually nicky that brought us close. haha. quite funny right. you're probably the best thing nicky has brought me [:


i've never felt so blessed (: thanks for all the support friends. can't ever tell you guys how much i love each of you (:

It was you and me against the world.

life is full of surprises isnt it?
i broke up with nicky today, never thought i would(for real)
happy 19th month hah.

everyone told me you're awesome, you're a good catch, that i should stop being bad to you, i should treasure you.

just when i began to treasure you. i guess, things have already changed.

a whole 19 months... what a waste.

my uni friends told me we'd break up, that army's a bitch. i told them no, we wont. i believed in us. i believed in our love.

but this relationship has come to a point where we both feel that its sian. but we dint talk about it. i dint want to tell you cause i know its tough being in there and i dont wanna add on to this burden. i hate army, it makes me feel like i cant talk to him much. and with other commitments, i barely have time to talk to him at all. and every weekend, we only have like 1 day. and there's nothing much to do cause he will have to pack and rest and all that. and yupp, we dint really work all that out. probably the only problem we never worked out and never will.

and know what, nicky actually lied to me. and i hate liars. i honestly can't believe he lied to me. but well, truth is, he did.

there's no good enough reason to support a lie, ever.

well, i don't understand why you cried so badly. i really don't. cause you were the one who chose to lie. so what were you crying for? you should have known the consequences. its not like i've never told you before that i'll never forgive someone who lie to me. its not like you don't know, but you just have to be the one dont you.

so thats it, nicky and i are history.

it was a good 19 months. it wasnt a waste of my life or time. it was awesome and i'll definitely treasure the memories.

but life goes on, and i'm moving on from here

i am really thankful for my really wonderful family and friends. [: especially smelly who came to pick me right after and for bringing me to a lovely place [:

smelly, you're lucky and you should feel really honoured, you know why. haha.

goodnight world, im meeting cel avis and reena at 9am to watch hairyporker omg. night!

last night on the way home, i recalled one random day last year, i was supposed to go over to nicky's for dinner. i was on the bus when he just got home from driving, and then he told me that there was no car at home so he asked me to walk up myself. and i was like ...... first time ask me to walk up myself wahlao.. bastard (HAHAHA) and i was quite sad ): .... i got off from the bus and started walking. then suddenly, someone hugged me really tightly from the back and obviously i got a shock. but within that split second, i recognised that stature, and the way this weird person smelled my hair and i smiled like an idiot [: , turned around and smacked him and said "i thought you ask me to walk up myself!?" and he replied "noooo, i'll never let you walk up yourself. i wanted to surprise you. surprise not?", with that retard smile of his. haha.

things that only the silly pandhi will do [:

i'll finally get to see him after 3 weeks in aboutttttt maybe ten hours? :D

i went for camp on saturday and didnt get to talk to nicky at all until tuesday. cause every night ended really late and by the time i got to use my phone, he's fast asleep already and its like 1-2am. the only day i got to speak to him on the phone was tuesday, for about 30 minutes. every night i'll just try to summarize all the happenings of the day and reply his goodnight message/messages.

i've been back from camp for two days now, and i still have yet to speak to him on the phone cause i've been out and i take quite long to reply his messages also. i just got home from OG outing and checked my mail and he actually sent me a pretty long email from camp. i was really surprised and touched and i felt really bad for neglecting him the past week ):

one more week till we meet! hang in there panz! and thanks for the email! very sweeeeeeeeet [: