well, i wanted to blog about what happened actually. but i guess, i wouldn't. i shall be nice [:


i'm getting over it (: and i'm really proud of myself. i wouldnt have been able to do it all on my own. i really need to thank Marc and Warrick the most. and of course Jaclyn, Jiazhi, Celeste, Reena, Cheryl, Yixuan, Ther, Val, Titi, Darren, and Ben.
thanks to all those who texted me, or talked to me and was concerned about me. Christina, Zhuan, Pam, Xinyi, Jasvin, Daniel, Jerome, Jesmine, Leon, Neo, Denise etc. really sorry if i missed out anyone.

this is not easy at all, but i know i'm doing really well [: i really have awesome friends and my really supportive family and i'm really super thankful for each and everyone of you guys.

originally, i wanted to type out the whole story about us, from how we first met till how we ended. like in detail, so i could show how bastard i was to nicky and how sweet nicky had been all along. cause i dont want to make it seem as if like i'm the total victim and i've never been bad to him. and of course what caused the breakup. but i guess, i am too lazy. haha. its too long.

i havent been the best girlfriend and i know that. i know i have made you upset countless of times, hurt you alot and made you cry quite a few times, but at the very least, i've never lied to you or cheated on you. i dont know what to think of the whole 19 months that we've had. even up till this point in time, my friends still keep telling me that they could tell that you really loved me and that i know it myself, when i kept saying that you've never loved me at all. all the things you've done for me, surprises, gifts etc and how much you cared for me and all that. everyone just keeps saying "he really loves you kim" i tried to tell myself that actually you've never loved me at all, so that its easier for me to move on. but to be honest, i know you really did. no one can ever do the things you've done for me, if they dont love the other person. and i really could tell and feel that you love me. all the times when i tried to break it off with you and how you always held on so tightly to this relationship and never letting go even though you were really sad. all the effort you've put in for the both of us, i was always touched by how you were always so strong for us. remember how we were so proud of our relationship cause we really trust each other and are really honest with each other? like how we could tell each other every single thing in the world, and never hid anything from each other. like who we dont check each others phones or read each other's messages cause we'd automatically tell each other who messaged us and all that. like how trust was the foundation of our relationship? you emphasized that so many times but in the end, it was you who broke the trust that you've earned and which we had painstakingly built. the level of trust and honesty we shared really isnt found in every other relationship. and we were on the right track, honesty is the key. i really have no idea what went through your mind when you decided to lie. its strange how you can do such stupid things when you've loved me so much all the while. its just really weird and incomprehensible.

well but thank you for all the wonderful memories you've given me. and every single thing that you've done for me. all the long, cute and no-matter-how-many-times-i-read-i'll-still-find-them-super-sweet letters, photos, cards, neoprints, straw hearts, paper hearts, drawings, little notes etc. i'll keep them well. the nailclipper that you bought for me cause i always peel my nails instead of cutting them, the ointment you delivered to my house at 12 midnight and had to take cab home cause i had a corn on my little finger, the turtle earrings you got from the states cause you remembered about the neonturtle i drew which was so 2007, ipod, lgms, lightsticks, sewing machine and all the other little gifts, i'll keep them well too. there are just so much memories. i doubt i can ever finish listing them out. there were so many sweet things that nicky did for me that i've never blogged about. and i really like how you always take note of the things i like, and how you can remember some cute memories of us back in j1, which i can't recall at all.

i remember how people came up to me and told me that you were a player and told me to stay away from you, but someone asked you and you said "i may be a player last time, but im really serious about kim" i remember how you always talk about marriage and get all whiny cause i refuse to marry you. and i remember how you fetched me from kallang with a big umbrella after my game, brought me to your grandma's place for dinner, and i said "omg, im gonna meet like your whole family" and you said "yay! cause we're gonna get married!" in a super happy way and i was like ".... " and you went "you dont wanna marry me!!! ):" and i just "okay lah okay lah i marry you okay" and you started kicking a big fuss haha. it was cute.

why did something so beautiful turn into dust just like that, why did you choose to ruin all that we had. what you did was really foolish, and really really dumb. i hope you've really learnt your lesson. val told me that people do stupid things. but i guess your case is really unforgivable.

you promised forever, and i told you not to use that word but you insisted and you said "i'll never stop loving you" "you're really the one for me, you're really the one whom i love the most, i can't live without you, i know you think i can go on without you but i can't, i really can't, i really need you, i've never loved someone like i love you" you told me that even when you were together with her, you thought about me and missed me and you really missed talking to me. and you regretted getting together with her and not me although you liked me. and how you forced yourself to stop liking me. you said you really honestly think we'd be everlasting. you stopped me everytime i mention something like "what if one day we break up?" you always get sad and say "we'll never break up! i dont allow you to think that way. you cannot think that way!" and you said "we won't break up baby, we never will!" remember the first time you called me baby? that was one of the cutest and longest message i've ever received. hah. remember how you always hug me so tightly and whisper into my ears "baby, i really love you" remember how you said "you're first in my heart. you're first in my everything. you're first in my life. i care for you the most. i've never felt like caring so much for someone. i think about you everytime. i can't ever stop thinking about you. i really need you. you dont know how much you mean to me and i really love you, more than you ever can imagine" to me in one shot? i almost teared in front of you.
there were so many sweet things that you've said and done that would probably be stuck in my head for awhile. and i always smile when you tell me that you miss me already even though we just parted.

and this "i love you. i dont want to say it too much if not it will lose its meaning. i just want you to know that i really mean it."

i remember talking to marc one day, and he told me that "you know, i've seen nicky and all his previous girlfriends. and i know he's really different this time. he really puts in alot of effort for you. i can tell that he really honestly likes you" and when i asked nicky about it, he gave me a sad face and said "you won't believe me" i said "why? dont believe you what?" and he replied "that i really really love you"


and i'll never forget that pair of eyes that look at me with so much sadness and pain everytime i hurt him, and that voice that sounds so sad. and his frustration when i just don't care about him. they filled me with guilt everytime. sigh. its really a wonder how he could take my prideful-ness and meanness.

ohwell whatever it is, today saw the last time i'll ever be meeting his family, and seeing the hamsters. i'll really miss the hamsters and of course, gambee. while i sat at the hamster cage today, gambee kept rubbing his head against my back. maybe gambee knows that i'll never be back again. nicky booked in last night, so i went to return his stuff after tuition today since it was so near. i took back my crumpler but i couldnt find my sweater anywhere. i returned his crumpler and his jacket and jeremy asked me "are you going to take it down? its quite nice" and he pointed at the wall. "he can take it down himself", i replied. the wall, was probably the nicest thing i've ever done and i'm sad to know that it'll be gone one day. i'm really thankful for his family. they make me feel welcomed and warm and i like how i can talk to his mum and how they make me feel like im part of the family. and it really saddens me to never see them again.

what a pity really. this whole relationship is really damn freaking wasted.

everyone is really shocked, cause they really thought we'd last, that we were a really different and special couple, that nicky would never do a thing like that. well, i guess these are the twists in life. and i dont get why people are telling me to give him another chance -_-"

this is random but i just thought its damn funny haha

"lee yixuan says:
thn i went to stalk your blog

lee yixuan says:
at first i thought hor

KIMBERLEY(: says:
uhhuh

lee yixuan says:
its another stupid trick you and nicky came out with to make fun of the whole world one leh

lee yixuan says:
thn hor i think again

KIMBERLEY(: says:
HAHAHAHA

KIMBERLEY(: says:
nice trick there

lee yixuan says:
your blog post the story quite complicated

lee yixuan says:
so hor maybe its real "

HAHA low iq auntie.


there are just really too many cute, funny and sweet memories. if you know how retarded and cute nicky actually is, maybe you'll be able to imagine how i smile when flashbacks occur. we are really damn retarded haha. like how we play catching and splashed water at each other and chased after one another in school haha. how we play charades with one another, how we compete to see who can not blink for a longer time, how we play with water guns, how we mimic people or things, how we have pillow fights and try to kill each other hahaha, how we try to scare each other, and how we always talk damn retardedly and play retarded games and end up laughing so hard. i guess i better stop going on, if not, i'll never end. haha. and its funny how everytime people say "wahlao you two are damn retarded" and we'd go "not me" and we'd start arguing "its you its you " and all that. haha. maybe i can store them as bottles of memories like in harry potter. haha. it was a really awesome and fun and probably the best 19 months.


well whatever it is, its pointless being sad. why be sad when you can be happy right? (:



and i found out what he planned for me for my birthday. he actually planned it in june when my birthday is in august. he bought lady gaga concert tickets for a few friends and myself cause he guessed that he wouldnt be able to spend my birthday with me cause of army. when i heard about it, i was really touched at the effort he'd put in to plan all these and how he got my friends to join in the surprise. it is really very sweet.


i remember zhuanyi messaging me one day and telling me that nicky and i are really cute and sweet and that she shouldnt read my blog anymore cause if not her boyfriend will die next time. haha. then reena said that my blog is bad cause it makes people who read it feel bad about their boyfriends. and that everything that nicky has done for me can be drawn up into a love contract for other girls as criterias for their boyfriends. hahaha. i thought that was quite funny. and i'll really never forget how constantly i was told that i was lucky, and that nicky is really damn sweet and nice to me, that he's a guy who's hard to come by, that i dont have to worry cause nicky would never lie or cheat on me, that we are really sweet and cute, that he really loves me and that i really should treasure him.

i like the fact that my friends and family loved him, trusted him and believed in him like i did.

ohwell.

all the best, nicky.
-

i really have to thank MARC, for coming to pick me right after i broke up with nicky. he drove me to this really nice hilltop and i really felt so much better after that. marc had to wake up super early for some army stuff but yet he came to pick me and accompanied me till quite late. thanks smelly, i really really appreciate it! [: maybe next time we can really try rolling down the hill haha.

and the next person, WARRICK WEE. truefriend cycled over to meet me at about 1230am after i got back from vivo with jiazhi. have never seen warrick so solemn and silent HAHA. and being his retarded self, he cheered me up a great deal. and he kept reminding me that i'm a really strong person and that i'll get over this soon. he said he'd accompany me the whole night if i didnt feel like going home. and i thought that was really nice. then he said he'd message me everyday then he went AHSHIT, I GOING FIELD CAMP, NO HANDPHONE, NO INTERNET. hahaha so he said he'd send me 7 messages before he goes for field camp. i said why not 10, since its 10 days right. haha and he was like WHY YOU SO CALCULATIVE. HAHA. so i said FINE DISCOUNT.

"message 1. i've decided to dedicate my last 15 hours of civilian life to you. so i'll be sleeping with my phone next to me. if you cant sleep, call me i'll ride my bike over. "

i was really really touched.

he sent me message 6 before he slept tonight, and it was really sweet and i was reallyyyyyyyy touched. (:

thanks truefriend, maybe we should really tattoo T and F on our hands HAHA retard.

and thanks ALLIANCE, for spending time with me these two nights. although the movie really sucked, but time spent with you is always good cause i can always laugh at you HAHA. thanks for always being there for me (: i'll never forget how i was crying in the voiddeck in 2007 april cause of nicky and cause of that, we started talking and became really good friends [: it is actually nicky that brought us close. haha. quite funny right. you're probably the best thing nicky has brought me [:


i've never felt so blessed (: thanks for all the support friends. can't ever tell you guys how much i love each of you (: